i want to know but i just don't know.

so.. manda, me , ben, gloria, charis, maka, florence, phebe and sam took our refugee kids out today! went for lunch at KFC and games back at church. it was so frustrating that i forgot to bring KFC vouchers my sister gave me! so silly of me, GAH! but they were so happy la, to see us and to have fun la. Esther, Nissi all were like Hi mummy!!! when i went with Phebe and Ben to pick em up from school. Super cute and pretty well behaved wan them.. I love em all to bits la!!! =) met a few other kids i never met before today like Lucy, Jeffrey, Christina and Esthersui (sorry dunno how to spell).. =D

i really love kids lor! and there are so many things i feel we forget as we grow older that we can relearn by watching kids. They're so carefree and hyper all the time. I think that's how we should be, even though we have a million worries on our heads sometimes. but just let go, and remember to live and enjoy every moment you know? =) and these kids got through so much, with coming to Malaysia and all.. they live in constant danger everyday. and yet, they still have so much to be thankful for, and it's amazing to see how easily they love others. and i'm really touched that even tho they make so many new friends, they're always.. hi mummy!!! where's mummy rachel? mummy kat? mummy manda? mummy pearly? and i'm like melting inside going AWWWW... and also, kids don't hold grudges wan lor. not the way we do anyways. like give sweets then they happy again. if only we did that to stop our fights over nothing or even wars.. cool huh?

anyways, i was talking to my aunt the other day, telling her about how i want to work in places that would really need doctors next time. and she suggested working with the UN. and i was like WHOA so cool! but a condition is you need to know at least three languages.. tough man, but i only finish in like eight years? i guess i might be able to pick up something then.. i've been trying to learn burmese but it is way tough.. okay la, so i know like a few phrases only know, but i still totally mix em up all the time. =P

lately i feel like i'm missing out on a lot because i wanna finish studying faster. like, cause i'm starting school in january, college i mean, i can't do cool internships or work for the experience. i would love to have volunteered at the refugee school but i can't cause of college. or take a year off to go with habitat for humanity, like how awesome would that be, but COLLEGE. sigh, what is God's plan for me?

and in church right, with conference and all, ppl have often come up to me saying, wah you so nice and wah, so ready to serve. and it doesn't feel right, hearing ppl say that. cause, i never saw what i do as serving? it's just, sometimes i have so much fun doing what i do, and definitely it's for God la, but it was never tough for me to want to help? i always imagined serving as being really tough, like work work work. but i guess i realized today, we should enjoy our work. and i don't know if i make sense, but yea. and still, i don't think i deserve recognition for doing things that come easily to me or are not in my control. but thanks anyways to the nice ppl who were nice. =)

and yesterday when i was searching through the UN and UNICEF employment details, i realized how self centered i can be sometimes. and it's so frustrating that there's so much to be done and still my blog is all about me. it's extremely annoying that i can't do anything now. textbook answer: i can do something now. okay yea i can, but i just don't know what. i really want to do something but it seems like something is always getting in the way. GAH, it's just a frustrating time for me la now.. but really, what am i talking about here? everything's about me. and i really have to remember that life is so so so not about me only.

and i was reading this yesterday at www.pleasefindthis.blogspot.com, it's a totally interesting blog. quite deep stuff and i was just reading through it yesterday. i read this:

You are not there. Somewhere in the future, suffering for something that hasn't happened yet. You are not there, in a place where all your worries manifest.

You are not there. Somewhere in the past, reliving your old mistakes and regrets. You are not there, in a place where memories ressurect.

You are here. Right here.

Like whoa, super cool lor. the author's amazing. Yea but reading the blog post it ended at here! not at super cool lor.

anyways, i wanna post up my list of awesome 2009 memories soon. till then, bye!

sacrifices

wah, i have so much in my head today lor.. this is like my third post today.. the dates are all messed up, i just fixed it..

i was wondering right about the sacrifices we make. seems pretty random but it got me thinking la. like when chu kang worked so chu beng can study. haha, but really la, it's amazing isn't it, to see a mother sacrificing her dreams for her children without regrets, to watch someone sacrifice time just to accompany the lonely kid. to know that our Saviour sacrificed His sinless life for us. Like woah! i think that how much you are willing to sacrifice for someone can show how much you really love a person. hmm, that makes me think back..

my mum didn't go to art school so she could take care of us. i think she mentioned it once in my life only, but i never forgot, and now, she can't really paint anymore cause her hands hurt a lot.

Love's incredible huh? " to see the way that mankind loves! it's the only thing that made watching earth all these years bearable." - stardust.

sigh, how much am i willing to sacrifice? for God, for my family, for my friends, for those who need me?

you know, i get frustrated sometimes when people don't think the way i do. i think it's a bad habit? but i dunno. i'm feeling real scrambled now. GAH.

of weeds

phew! just finished weeding the garden with dad and sis and i am exhausted!!! bitten by mosquitoes with aching feet ain't very pretty. =D haha, anyways, i learnt a lot of those analogy lessons from weeding the garden. like, don't be lazy and grab the whole bunch of weeds at once cause then you won't pull the roots out. so you gotta be patient and deal with one weed at a time. so PATIENCE and PRIORITY. and i learnt that the cowgrass ar, super hard to pull lor. so we should be like it, and ENDURE and don't let distractions or circumstances keep us from our firm grip on God's truth. well, have a firm grip la, don't be a lalang, be a cowgrass! but i'm so strong that i got the cowgrass out too! =P nvm. and also when you're really tired but not done yet, look back and see how far you've come. REFLECT that you might be INSPIRED to continue. i was like sooo tired dey, but still got one patch of really thick grass left, then i looked back at how much we've done and the garden was so pretty and clean that i was motivated to FINISH WHAT I STARTED. wah, so many lessons can learn from just pulling out weeds. haha! oh, and must pull them to make the garden pretty. so erm, don't let these awful stuff clog your life? and also right, we think we cleared the patch that becomes full of weed dey right, and we don't look at it for a while. and one day, you realize how much has grown. so got two lessons la, one, you're the weed. two, you're me. so one, no matter what tough times you're going through, hang in there, and you'll heal you know? and one day you'll see how much God has done in you. so two, very annoying wan to see the weeds grow again. so it's important to do it everyday and not let things get too bad before you have to do it again. so it's like we must maintain our relationship with God, not fix and break, fix and break.. get me? =P

wah, i close my eyes i still seeing weeds le!! =.=

anyways, i realized also how little things can make you happy. like for me, it's makes me happy to watch the dirty dishes piled up become white and shiny again. it makes me happy to see the messy garden become neat and gorgeous again. it makes me happy to eat the muffins or cookies my friend bakes. it makes me happy to watch 5 gamma making noise and being us. it makes me happy when CAR ParK is lying on the kitchen floor, talking.
see, it's the little things in life, the simple moments, the hard work and effort you put in, that makes all the difference in the world. =)

and yea, i just had to write that all down. i'm dirty, sweaty and smelly now, so i shall go shower. =P but if you're feeling down or moody, just remember all the little things that makes you happy. kat once told me to write down a list of everything you had when you're emo, and you will realize just how richly blessed you are. God bless you! see ya! =)

why do i feel like this?

haha, i really don't want this blog to be my emo spot lor. REJOICE! okay anyways, here's what's on my mind today. well some of the things anyways..

sometimes i find it really hard to be selfless. oh scrap the sometimes, i always find it hard. when it's something that will affect me for the day, fine la.. but what if it's something that will affect me for a long time? what if it messes up the plans i had for myself? grr.. but i guess, at the end of the day i must realize that this life shouldn't be lived for me and about me only. my life should be about others and more importantly God. lately i really began to see that God has a plan. i mean we say it often enough but i recently realized, that everything is in His great plan for us! Jeremiah 29:11 says " For I know the plans I have for you, plans of peace and not of evil, plans to give you a hope and a future." so maybe i would rather mum keep sending me to college next year instead of sitting the bus cause it would really restrict my freedom. Maybe, that's in God's plan for me, that in sitting the bus, there are people He wants me to minister to and fellowship with. maybe there's someone special for me to meet there. so, maybe things aren't going well with me and this problem comes along. Probably, God wants me to endure it and count of Him that i might help someone else who goes through the same thing next time. i read the verse that spoke on this recently but i can't remember it.. grr, will try to remember! But if we have that kind of submissive mindset, wouldn't we trust our Lord all the more? when i realize that, i feel so safe and loved and thought of. Like God really did put effort into planning my life, not just saying," ah simply la.. just take life no.9983764 and modify a bit." no, i am certain that our great God cares, and loves so deeply. each step we take is in His plan, each hair on our head numbered. like wow right? my conclusion? He created us unique, more unique than ever. and even though we fall short every single day, he loves us unendingly, selflessly, and sacrificially each and every day.

argh.. i'm very annoyed cause i can't remember what verse is the one that says " something look to the right and the left, you will hear a voice saying this is the way, walk in it." and i have to go already.. gotta stop being selfish..

but what i still wanted to talk about was how i tend to have selfish moments where i really just curl up and emo about how people have so much more opportunities than i do. like how i'm stuck here when others are enjoying a day out. and then today i started to journal and write down a long prayer about how i was feeling and for my friends and family and i felt better. like really better about my life somehow? it's not that everyone else's life was more horrible but just somehow, i wasn't feeling so selfish anymore.

and then i reach a point where i wonder, God why do you bless me so abundantly? i really don't get it. not to be boastful but God's given me talents, a nice and stable home, good grades, great friends and really the hardships in my life are nothing compared to what other people go through. and i really can't help but ask why? why God am i so richly blessed when a child is dying of hunger and AIDS somewhere out there? when the little boy yearns to study but can't because he is neck deep in poverty? when the man sitting on the side of the road has just lost everyone he held dear to him? i feel unworthy of all God has given me. like really. and the textbook answer says, don't be sad, rejoice for your blessings and thank God for them. but it just doesn't feel enough to thank God, i wanna use my blessings, but i absolutely don't know how. and then i think, am i selfless enough to pray that someone else has my life instead of me, someone worse off, and mean it? it's a very scary thought. and i also wonder, if my comfort now means that i'll suffer in the future? maybe my dreams will all fail? sigh, it's so complicated! i can't stand to have everything go right in my life but i don't want it to crumble in pieces either, for i don't know if i can stand then. sure, there are moments of pain in my life too, but it's just nothing, compared to what some people i know are struggling through. what now?

so i guess my question now is, "Lord, what do You want me to do next? where would you want me to go? What, is Your plan, Your purpose for my life?"

Proverbs 3:5-6 says " Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths."

blessed Christmas 2009

Happy Birthday Jesus! i felt really bad that most of the day i spent thinking about me and my life instead of giving thanks and really appreciating the true spirit of Christmas. ah, my feelings very complicated wan la. haha, anyways, i had a pretty good morning and the rest of my Christmas was okay.

what i really wanted to say is, "Lord, thank You, for my Christmas present this year. We both know what it is and i believe everything is in Your perfect planning, so this present came at the right time. it may not be the way i expected but this is probably as good as it gets. haha, it's Your birthday and i get present pula wan God.. but Thanks, thanks so much for not just this, but everything else too.. =) this Christmas, i realized that i, am truly blessed. AMEN!"

greater things

so, to say revamp was totally awesome was an understatement. i learnt a lot of lessons this week in many different ways. and CAR ParK totally bonded during the last week. when faced with the question of what am i really grateful for? i am glad that right then i knew exactly what i was so grateful for. Thank you LORD for them, for how open we were with each other throughout the week. i don't think i have ever been so close to someone else before, let alone four other people. i will never forget the kitchen floor talk at 3am and the long confession session after the altar call. i am truly truly blessed to be your friends.

i also made so many new friends this week! they're all really funny and i have adopted like 3 sai lo's now? =D well i adopted one and the other two adopted themselves.. =P and i am so honestly proud of my kids now. i can see how much they have enjoyed this conference and how nice people have been with them. in the past few months, they have changed so so much and started becoming more confident with themselves, growing deeper with God. i am especially proud of james who's the oldest amongst them. i see him growing so much and he is an amazing leader for the rest of his friends. what touches me the most is how even though they've made so many new friends, they still want to sit with their mummies. =) i love em so much, really!

so firstly, i learnt to be open to what God wants me to do. Like many times, it may not seem significant or it may sound weird or scary. but i learnt that our GREAT God can do wonders out of our obedience. like, even if it seems like such a small thing, if it was done according to His will, it can cause greater things to occur. coolness right? my best example is voters registration lor. as soon as i heard about it, i was completely against it. like why are we even doing this? what's it got to do with poverty? but i decided it was important to have a positive attitude. and once we started encouraging people, i find myself being encouraged too. seriously, i feel like i erupted with passion then and i felt the importance of our task. some ppl asked why i was so gung ho about it but i seriously felt it wasn't me but rather Christ in me. i kept telling myself each vote mattered and really God made all the difference. =)

then, i also learnt to really believe in God. like believe He truly can change this world through me. during our prayer meeting on sunday, i felt led to tell everyone about this. and fuiyoh, i feel like that was one of my most Spirit filled moment. the verse in Matthew 10:19-20 became so true then. " But when they deliver you up, do not worry about how or what you should speak. For it will be given to you in that hour what you should speak; for it is not you who speaks but the Spirit of your Father who speaks in you." like wah, God can work through a small person like me!

and! i learnt that we must first love God before we can love other people unconditionally. and i realized that that is why i can't do alot of the things i feel God asked me to do. like telling a certain someone how much God loves him. because, i felt the need to do it out of duty to God and not from love for God. that is mind blowing for me. the realization that all along i have been doing things by my own strengths and wants, no matter nothing worked out! but God, God is truly amazing. =)

and i also learnt that even though things might not be very right with God at the moment, i can't be selfish? if you get what i mean. like during camp, basically during this point of my life, i've been far away from God and haven't really been doing devotions at all. i realized the need to maintain my relationship with God during revamp and also gained a new thirst for God, one that is so subtle yet strong. i want to know God more and more each day. and that is my commitment. and one very important thing i learnt from priscilla during workshop is that my faith in God shouldn't depend on my emotions. even if i can't feel him, i must have faith and believe that He is always there, holding my hand. Joshua 1:5b - " I will never leave you. I will never forsake you." God so amazing!!! and in that season of dryness, i learnt that i can still impact others. by pushing on and continually praying, i found myself still touching people's lives in very subtle but real ways. thanks girl, for letting me know what i did helped you. so if God can use me even then, it proves that He never really left me after all. =)

i learnt alot really but i can't name em all now. i also learnt tho, about absolute moral truth. about really basing my life on the truths of God. i really learnt so much from conference and gained a lot. just can't really think right now cause it's like 2am. but it was really memorable and the people i met there will stay in my heart forever! and most of all, to my great God, i commit my life into Your hands forever. Amen!

John 14:12 -" Most assuredly i say to you, he who believes in Me, the works i do, he will do also; and greater works than these he will do, because i go to my Father."

such a mess

when will you trust me to make my own decisions?

i'm messed up la really.. i want to do the right thing but what does it mean to really do the right thing? it's easy when it's giving to the poor or volunteering at the hospital, but when it comes to loving the rejected, doing chores i absolutely hate instead of having fun with friends, skipping the movie to mow the lawn or even just not fighting back when i get scolded for nothing. it's tough la. lately i feel the want to be selfish so much more. to have fun, do things my way, not accept unnecessary work or scolding. but when i do resort to that lower path, that guilt, the conviction, it sets in. and eats me up.

so i can't have fun without squirming, knowing i should be doing something else, knowing i hurt someone. as tempting as it is, i am not someone who can drop my feelings just like that. i suffer through the guilt everytime. and i realized, that it is ALWAYS better to be the one suffering(not so extreme word la but still...) than the one making other people suffer. Maybe it's hard now, but i guess when it becomes a habit, we will start to find joy in these things we do, rather than the meaningless movies or games. maybe, we'll find meaning in our lives and discover what is really means to be good, what it really means to do the right thing. just hang in there. be the good guy, sooner or later it pays off.

i am not the person i want to be yet. so often i struggle between doing what is right and doing what is fun. i know that as i mature, i have to realize, life is about serving others, not myself. and even if some people don't see what you're doing, remember that's integrity. integrity is what a man does when he thinks no one is watching. yet, take comfort in knowing that God is always watching. and He knows what you're going through. always.

writing here gives me some sort of peace, like i'm letting out some stuff i've never really bothered to say out. and it feels good. i get angry sometimes quite easily, probably when pms la, but i allways realize that i can't be angry at whoever i'm angry at because it's not their fault/ they have a valid excuse/ it is my fault etc. and i end up being angry at me for not being perfect enough to handle it all. but for now, i'm not angry anymore. i think i really need to lift this up to God and ask for His healing.. yea..

God bless you! i'm out for now!

JUMBLED thoughts.

i love the new batman series- batman begins and dark knight. it has so many thought provoking sentiments(?). i think i've always kinda liked superhero movies, the good ones la. zorro's awesome, batman, superman. But my fascination with them goes beyond the comic book wonder. it's the decision they make to be what they think the world needs. i guess that's where they draw the line between what is moral and what is lawful. here's something i've always questioned. how far do you go? how hard must you push to do what is right? for a simple girl like me, i doubt i possess the same courage that bruce wayne had, choosing to be a masked crime fighter. to the point where ppl wanna throw you in jail somemore. where is the line that separates duty and justice? you draw it.

i think that you draw it, when there is a need to. for bruce, it was to save gotham city but what about us ordinary people? we may not have a gotham to save, but there's so much that needs to be done here. do we let the scrawny kid get bullied, or sacrifice our social status to save him? do we stand up for what we believe in, or let our faith be trampled on? do we fight injustice or claim it isn't our job? i suppose more than often, people resort to "let someone else do it. this isn't my fight." but let me question, if not us, if not you, then who? we saw the need in our world today. poverty, oppression, war, disease, perversion of justice. who will fight what needs to be fought if no one does it?

that's a very big challenge i feel, that hovers over me. i have to do something, and i have no idea what. what can i do to fix this? where do i start? and once again, how far do i have to go? i've heard of missionaries who get thrown in jail and crucified. how many people died back in the days, fighting social discrimination? how many people got beaten up for standing up for what they believed in? to be honest, i'm scared. scared of the responsibilities i have now that i realize this is something that needs to be done. and i believe i will have to keep questioning how far? until i reach the point where i myself have to decide between running and pressing on.

martin luther king jr., mother teresa, william wilberforce and so many other heroes out there. i bet they were afraid too. "courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important that fear."-princess diaries. like whoa right? so courage isn't something you have, it's not a genetic trait. it's a choice, a decision, to take the path not taken. to love the unloved. to help the helpless.

i often find myself burdened by my own conscience. my friends say it's just too big. but still, i believe God made me like this. and i am burdened with guilt when i take the easy way out. when i run from challenges. when i'm not who i want to be. and this gets tiring really, to always do what is right even when i can't stand to any longer. it's tuph yo! ask anyone around me alot, i feel guilty very easily. but, what if, the guilt is a gift? a reminder to be compassionate? my point is, maybe i have to stop picking how i want to change the world, and right now, just do what i can with the people around me. i've always wanted to help ppl, and my lesson is that God's still and will forevermore be in charge. i gotta leave the WHO he wants me to help part to Him. so detailed is His great plan for me. doesn't that just make you stand in awe? every challenge i ever had, had brought me here. everyone who walked into my life, walked in with a purpose, not necessarily knowing what that purpose is. but know, what is my purpose, towards them?and now that i've seen a need, i have a responsibility to fill it.

one more thing about batman begins hit me. "instil enough hunger and everyone becomes a criminal". DRUMDRUMHUMDRUM. that's the whirring going on in my complicated head when i heard it, in context la. desperate times call for desperate measures right? do you agree? is it wrong for a hungry man to steal food so he can feed his family? sidetrack: i have a memory of fighting about this recently but i can't put my finger on where i did it, who i was talking about this with and whatever else details. maybe it wasn't me even, just a show. or a dream. =P the very idea of what a man can do, what he will do, when he is pushed to his very limits amazes me. he can become nobler than he ever thought he was, or a monster he wished never to encounter. this is why i like the story looking for a rain god in the form four literature book. how far will you go in desperation? if you don't know the story, it's about the people stuck in a drought. and everyone was dying and the crops were destroyed. the people really needed rain to fall. this is when someone remembered an ancient ritual or something, to sacrifice two young girls(sorry i forgot the specifics), to the rain god i think. and they did just that, but it didn't rain. the people who sacrificed the girls got arrested. at the end of the story, there's that line that got me hooked, about how the other people at the trial, not from that family, were so close to doing the same thing.

all of mankind is capable of great things. but what happens, when the need is so great that you lose your mind? i'm just fascinated by our limits you know. just how hard do you need to push before a person falls? like harvey dent in dark knight.

sigh, i'm not making sense anymore. at least to me, don't know bout you! =P when i get a thought in my head, it makes so much sense to me, but i never can explain the raw wonder i have toward everything. and i try to get it out in words but it's always so HUH, WTW? it's great tho, finally having this blog as an outlet for all that thoughts in my head. i tend to go round and round something trying to make people understand what i feel, but always tak jadi wan. haha, then it just gets boring. =P

anyways, glad to get that off my chest. till my brain scrambles again, i'm out! =D

in my skin

some days i feel like i can't stand to be me anymore.. like i wanna be someone else, because seeing the world through my eyes becomes pretty boring. life is never the exact same thing for any two ppl, no two paths the same and i find that really incredible. what life like through someone else's eyes? i feel like life that God created has so much to offer, even if we are a fallen world. what is the meaning of life to the quiet girl? the athlete? the rockstar? imagine if i could be everyone, to have a taste of everything life has to offer. how cool would that be, if you get what i mean?

but then i realize, that God made each of us special.the very fact that no two lives are exactly the same makes us value life so much more. i believe that God has a plan for my life, that this is the path i was meant to take. sidetrack:isn't it so amazing that we have a God that cares and loves us to that extreme? and i realized too, that if you're not happy with where you are in your life, you have no one to blame but you. "we were meant to live, not survive."-the gift, cecelia ahern. i get scared alot, at the fact that you CAN do anything. the opportunities in life are so vast, i can be whoever i like. and at the same time, every moment i spend worrying, i waste time. seconds, minutes, hours go by and i'm still not who i want to be.

i guess my point is, be who you always wanted to be. seize the moment. don't regret your life when you're 80.
don't give up yet. =)

new beginnings

i'm planning on starting a blog again.. well sort of.. =) i want this to be a place i can express the thoughts in my head.. so here's to a new beginning.

Have you ever wondered at the phrase 'you can do anything?' i'm on the brink of leaving srikl for good after tomorrow and as true as that phrase is, i still feel stuck. my plan was always to go study medicine, become a doctor, and by the will of God maybe travel to Africa and build a hospital there or something. This is something i feel a pull towards, to help others and do something with my life that will glorify God and make the world a better place. Sure skeptics are all around me, "say only wan", " you think very easy, you do la", "you just want the glory". But if this is what God wants me to do, i'm sure He will make a way for me.

Still, in choosing this path, i would have to let go of so many other tempting paths in my life. Can i have my cake and eat it too? But there are so many things i want to do with my life. i often find myself stuck in places i don't want to be and at this point now, where i can be anyone i want to be, i find myself very afraid. i wanted to be a famous ballerina, or join a circus. Such a job would be exhilarating and beautiful and so enjoyable. I would love it so very much. i don't think i have the ability to do anything like that but if i really pursued circus arts maybe, i might have gotten there. cirque du soleil's incredible. i'm awestruck. But how can i be there doing that(assuming i succeed of course) and still be doing medicine? but duh, medicine's more fulfilling. i just wish i had the chance to become everything i wanna be. that's just one dream, what about the rest of my dreams, stuffed in my pocket?

maybe life is about choosing. when you're at crossroads, you pick a road that hopefully causes you to never look back. and now i have to make my decision. it might not be the fancy one, the risky one, the life full of excitement and fun, but if i go through with medicine and fulfill my lifelong dream, it will be a life of service and purpose. that would beat glittery spandex anytime right? =)

but this does make me wonder about all the other lives out there that settled for less than what they desired in life. the ballet dancer that ended up a businessMAN, the musician that ended up in law because that was a safer option. imagine if everyone picked their real dreams instead. how awesome would this world be? =) i'm glad i made my decision.

amazed

this is gonna be lengthy, haha but i'm always lengthy. but if you're reading this, you might as well read it all huh? =)
i just came back from combined prayer meeting in conjuction with the opening of 40 day fast and prayer at church and i just wanted to share something that really amazed me. it was like everyone from different services, chinese, tamil, bm, even cambodian and african i think were there and it felt so uniting and just amazing(cliche but seriously!!=)) la.. and they head people translating english to chinese and tamil and then everyone started to pray. And prayed in tongues.
At that moment, i was blown away! Here we are, speaking so many different languages but as soon as we prayed in tongues together, i couldn't tell who spoke what language anymore! we were speaking the same language to our same great great God and it was incredible. It was the same lesson i learnt in Sarawak and Australia, that no matter how different we all seem on the outside, we are united by God's work on the cross! It blew me away to hear the voices praying as one, and even in sarawak and aussie where i didn't know the people and yet we were praying to the same God! how awesome is that??:)

just the beginning

wow, new blog! first post too!! =)
today i just wanted to write about my school's Christian Youth Fellowship. After saturdays subang rally which was incredible, i believe so strongly that God is not done with our cf, that He is gonna rise us up to be so great. i can't wait! =) i feel such a new passion for each member and i see so much potential in each one of them. i really pray that they will grow in faith and passion for God and for others. so we'll be beginning our friday cf meetings prayerfully, and EVERYONE'S invited to come! =) i vpwed to surrender the last five months i have in school to God and i believe that with Him, nothing is impossible.

Looking back over my life, things have changed and i have grown so differently that i would have planned for my life. i believe that i am who i am today because of our great God! =) i see the path my life has taken and i'm so amazed. Never would i have seen myself from say form one(?) in form five, leading cf, leading blue house, being so incredibly alive! Though i don't see myself as someone with superb leadership skills, i am incredibly thankful for what God has done in my life, and i am so excited and terrified simultaneously for my future. =) =)
That's all for my first post! tata!