breakthrough

i was very inspired by philip mantofa's sermon today. with how my spiritual life has been going downhill lately, i came home and spent some time with God, just praying and singing. i want to be used by God to win lives and tell the world about how much Jesus loves them. and this requires a courage and determination i do not possess. so i want to learn as well to rely on God for everything, knowing that i am weak and He is strong. but in every case, i will not back down, i will try my best. today philip mantofa challenged the whole congregation to spend half an hour a day praying for our nation and its people. i wanted to promise God i would but i'm so afraid of letting Him down again. but i realized, throughout my spiritual life, i've always wanted to go from A to M. i wanted to be the superpower christian that is so deeply in love with God and because i just hated being where i am, being stagnant without growth. but everytime i'd try, i wouldn't be able to do it and consequently i'd give up and stay at A, complaining and moaning. but today i realized, i must start with A to B. that no matter how many times i fall, i must still go step my step, taking baby steps in Christ before i grow to strides and consequently runs. and i realized too that to choose baby steps is to admit that my relationship with God needs work, that i'm nowhere near as perfect as i pretend to be. but i gotta be honest and shame the devil right? so today i make my first step. to recommit to God but by putting all my faith in Him to lead, with a new heart and a new will. and we both know somewhere down the line i will fall again, but i will keep fighting and i will keep believing.

also, i think i need initiative to progress. i'm gonna begin a facebook and tv limitation if not fast. because only by removing all these poisons and time thiefs from my life will i be able to move forward. the Bible says to deny yourself, take up the cross and follow Christ. and this is my choice today, because i am tired of being a sunday christian. i'm tired of masks of perfection and pretending to be better than i am. i'm tired of always saying i miss God when He's right there, when He didn't leave me but instead i left Him. i want to live the life that God intended for me, to be so secure in His love that nothing else matters, not even if people call me some religious nut, not even when i'm seen as weird, because i've got the greatest gift. i've got Jesus in my heart. and maybe if i do reach the point of having nothing, that's when i can finally understand how He can be my everything.

and today i write this post not to boast to the world, but to say with honesty that i will try again. that this is my covenant today, something that is between me and God. and this post will be posted as a reminder to me that i chose this life, i chose to commit and i must find the will to do so.

i believe that in my commitment, i will see breakthroughs start to happen. breakthroughs in my studies, in my family, in my leadership, in church and in greater things even i cannot imagine. in my life i've always felt bound, like i always be able to do only so much, i never could make a better grade, or be a better limited. but i truly believe now that God can tear down the walls in my life.

this was the song than became my prayer today, a new song i sung unto the Lord.
Brokenness, brokenness is what i long for
Brokenness is what i need
Brokenness, brokenness is what You want for me
Take my life, and mold it,
Take my mind, transform it,
Take my will, conform it,
to Yours, to Yours, o Lord

i believe in a God that does the impossible everyday. i believe in a God who can make miracles happen and a God who wants us to rise up. so Lord Jesus, use me i pray, not as a mighty Christian but as a humble servant, who's ready to do Your will, no matter what the cost.

so it's never too late for you to go back to God and pray for a new start. His blood has cleansed once and for all. if you are reading this now and you feel lost, like your relationship with God is hanging by a thread, then do not lose hope. i discovered, it's a matter of will. your relationship with God should not be based on feelings, be it laziness or loneliness or quietness, but it should be so much more that that. He loves you deeply, don't ever doubt that. and He's calling you to come home, to come back into His loving arms. and if like me, you've tried a million times and yet you've failed a million times too, then take heart, do this with me, and try one more time. this might just be your breakthrough.

rededicating my life to my Saviour,
candice :)