what does it mean to really love?

love is not a fuzzy feeling you get inside. it's an action, a choice to protect and care for and listen. it's not a 'if you do this', it's a 'no matter what'. coming back from all girls camp, i have seen so many of the sincerest expressions of love i have ever seen. and it blew me away, seeing how far someone would go out of love, how they would be fiercely strong and courageously endurant(this is a word right?). i found myself touched at so many actions of the people around me throughout this camp, especially those of a certain friend. :) but other than that, as agc was held at the same place as the camp for special needs kids and their families, of whom me and my friends know because we helped out there before, i got to see how far a mother's love would go. amanda is a little girl we met back then, and had one of the most severe cases of all the kids. and yet, to see how she interacts with her mother, it's so beautiful really. you can tell just by looking at them that her mother really cherishes her daughter and would not trade her for another. and also from my dear friend pearly, who loves us CAR ParKians, especially me!, despite all our disgusting habits or qualities.. :P
but really, this made me reconsider what it meant to really love someone. as a teenage girl, i do envision love in the romantic sense but it is so much more than that. and i am in such awe that something as incredible as love would exist in a broken world like ours.

also throughout all girls camp, i realized what an honour it is to be a part of someone's life. like i was just standing there looking at the campers thinking what a privilege it is to be able to be a part of the camp comm and be allowed to influence their lives in a sense. and that kind of trust is pretty cool la, where people let you into their lives. a lot of times lately, when i stop talking and just start being thoughtful again, is when i realize that my friend or whoever's near me has a life of their own, like they go through heartbreaks and pain and joy and love too. and it was something that amazed me, but this whole paragraph definitely made more sense in my head.

well all in all, camp was really amazing. there were so many fun-tastic moments but my ultimate favourite part was the ending of WWF night where we nailed our fears to the 10 foot cross. watching everyone do so, watching them really surrender their fear to God and with that understand that they truly have a God who cares deeply for them was such a touching scene. i started to cry as i hammered my fear into the cross, because of how much it signified and how touched i was. and seeing the rest of the campers stand one by one to do the same was incredibly moving, and i know i wasn't the only one who felt that way that night. and in sharing time the next day, there was a girl who came up and shared that after that night, all her fears seem to have gone away. and i am just in awe of our beautiful Lord.

you know, many times throughout the planning stages of camp, i question why i decided to be a part of the comm at all. it's so tiring and it gives me so little time in the end for myself, but that's probably cause i didn't know how to efficiently use my time. but when stress overwhelms, i really wonder, why? but camp was such an amazing experience for me, to hear how so many people were touched during the sharing session made me realize, that every sacrifice you make for other people is definitely worth it. :)i am so glad to be a part of this amazing committee. :)

after camp, some of us went up to genting with angie, dawn, tiffany, julie and rose. rachel chan drove our van which had me, sarah, germaine, jasmine, daphne, tiffany and natallie. we had fun! haha i was in the front sit with the bongos and kept playing it(horribly) all the way home. and we had durian ice cream and durian bombs in gohtong too, which tasted so awesome! haha poor tiff didn't like durian!!! and it was really nice to be in a van full of screaming then sleepy then screaming then sleepy girls. hahahhaha.

oh and it was really funny how prisc was telling me in college that she can never imagine me crying cause i'm so happy all the time. but spending the weekend with pearls, kat and rachel made me realize how they and manda too, were the ones that saw me cry the most. like when everyone else see the happy face i put up, these were the girls in my life that saw me vulnerable and broken. and i love them so so much for that! they are the awesomest friends ever, but it really is a bit sad how we've drifted a little with the business of school and such. still, the heart to hearts that we have with each other is priceless to me really. what's a girl without her friends? :) i love you guys so much!


from our paroimian days where we kept singing following the leader. :) it amazes me how in reference to the things we have done together we speak in terms of years now, two-three years ago and it just feels like time flew by. i know other people have had friends for ages, since they were young at all, but the fact that us as such a closely knit group when we're together have come so far together just amazes me. this is a friendship i truly value in my life. :)



p.s, i took me like a day plus to finish this post cause i'm getting lazier to type out so much stuff, but i still wanna document it. but now at 6.44 am i'm glad i said nearly all i want to say i think. :P till next time, candice. :)