hmm, let's start with The Blind Side. basically, if you haven't watched it, it's about this mother who takes in this pretty much homeless guy without knowing much about him and he eventually blossoms into an awesome football star. true story. :P but what touched me most was how she (the mother) so openly welcomed michael (the homeless guy) into her house. and it made me wonder how far i would go for someone usually. i mean, so often we resort to thinking the worst of people from first impressions, like taking in a stranger to your home, sure he will steal stuff or hurt you. and i guess in today's world, it's the only way to really be safe, by being cautious about everything. and i just realized how much beauty, for lack of another word, there is in just letting go. just going by faith, trusting blindly and going the extra mile for another person. without her, michael would never have made it to where he did, because she was the first one to believe in him. i have such a deep admiration for her, in the sense where she's fearless and going on nothing but heart. really so often we think the worst of others and so highly of ourselves, like when we meet children in orphanages or anyone seemingly poor, the impression is that they aren't as clean. that's why my mum lectured me about my hand rash thingy, saying it's cause i touched the children at the orphanage too much. but it gave me a whole new perspective. i mean these are lives, beautiful precious lives, and instead of being in awe of the fact that there is a unique living being before us, we start to judge instead. my thoughts on this matter are very jumbled, but i think what i finally realized/decided was that, we gotta stop, well i gotta stop being artsy fartsy and always caring about the little wrong things, the little luxuries that are absent when meeting or helping others and focus so so much more on the life itself, and all that God intends for that life. This world needs more people like leigh anne(the mother).
but i remember thinking also, that i got a completely different view on a 'woman who fears'. think deeper, what do you fear? not the big things either, when you go even deeper, to the small little stuff, like i said above, getting robbed when you show kindness or germs. and that if you put your trust and fear in God alone, the worst that can happen is still something that God had planned for the good of your life. and that is mindblowing for me. and james also told me, that when you give (he was talking bout giving money to beggars) to conmen(conbeggars) unknowingly, you are still blessing someone. you're blessing the conman.
i want, so desperately, to live with that kind of faith. the faith to live unconventionally. like if i have money to give, just give it, if i have time, just give it and to realize that there's always love to spare. to trust in God with a childlike faith, knowing that even if we get robbed, we still have God. Lord please guide me!
i was also thinking about living unconventional lives. it started off with this passage from Paulo Coelho's book - Like a Flowing River.
Most of my friends, and most of my friends’ children, also have degrees. That doesn’t mean that they’ve managed to find the kind of job they wanted. Not at all. They went to university because someone, at a time when universities were important, said that, in order to rise in the world, you had to have a degree. And thus the world was deprived of some excellent gardeners, bakers, antique dealers, sculptors, and writers. Perhaps this is the moment to review the situation. Doctors, engineers, scientists, and lawyers need to go to university, but does everyone?
and it makes me reflect on my life and the conventional-ness of it in a sense, like i am expected to get a medical degree, become successful, get married, have grandkids etc.. but what if i decide that i want to do social work instead of medicine? or something else i thought of but forgot? but i mean,it made me remember how during missions sunday that time, the speaker talked about this homeless man in chicago i think, who sold magazines supplied by the government, to make a living. and what he does basically everyday, as a part of his own unique personality, is to try and make the passerbys on that street he sells his magazines on, smile. and it made me wonder, like really think, what is so wrong about that kind of life? what is so wrong about sheila's choice in The Tiger's Child by Torey Hayden, where although she was an incredibly bright student with so much potential academically, she chose to work at McDonald's as a waitress(or some other job there, i can't rmb)? what is so wrong and at the same time, terrifying about living a life that is not of the norm? of choosing to do something you want to despite your abilities or the opinions of others. and it reminds me that i actually am free to live whatever life i want to, and that scares me a lot.
The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
i love this poem. and it means a lot too. :D
oh in slim river, in order of who went first, basil, me, averyl, gabe, sek hao, timothy and rachel jumped like one storey's height from the cement bridge into the river. it was a free fall for like a few seconds where you were aware for more than a moment that you were mid-air. it was freaking awesome!!!!! wise words from basil cha: "you only live once, try la!" cause the kampung kids were all jumping off the bridge and us city chickens, all so terrified of it. but eventually we all summoned enough courage to jump and it was an incredible feeling.:)
and you know what i like about myself? hahha, sorry, slightly perasan moment. i like how i'm the same everywhere, like my character and personality is as crazy and stupid in that sense no matter who i'm with, be it with church friends, family, school friends or college friends. :) all of you who are in my life, i love you loads. :)
so, lessons from mission trip!:)
for me, going for this mission trip was a rather quick decision that i made in the midst of exams and preparing for agc. and to be honest i felt like i didn't prepare my heart and my sermon fully before going. i wanted to go for this because i had time, it was a good opportunity to bond with my CG members and also because i like grabbing the opportunities i can get to do something for people. so along the way of realizing that i did not really put my whole heart into this trip, i learnt a lot of personal lessons too.
i gave a sermon in the first village about how worried i was about uni apps and how God's plan will remain in control over my life so i need not worry. and it ended up being a bit messy and way shorter than it should have been. so i was, to be honest, very disappointed in myself. but going to the next village and hearing sarah share her sermon made me think too. her sermon was very well received and timely for that village. we had a time after her sermon just spending it in God's presence and it was really cool la. i felt even more disappointed in myself then, like i had been such a failure. but then i realized, that that disappointment i felt was because of my arrogance. that i was more upset because i thought i didn't do so good than because the village people didn't receive it well. and it was a very important lesson that i learnt that day, a lesson of humility, that especially when we work in a team, we should be humble enough to praise God sincerely when a team member performs better than us but the overall result of the team is good. you get me? it's not all about you or me, and that hit me really right smack between my eyes.
oh and sarah told me afterwards that after i shared, while we were having prayers for the people there that a girl shared her fears about applying for uni to sarah. and sarah was such a big encouragement, cause she told me about that girl and about how she was so certain God used my simple message at the right time to speak into a person's life. so God's really cool la. :)
and after my sermon, i wished i could have told them this. that in every circumstance to remember the one truth, that God loves you so deeply and that His plan for your life is good. at the second village when we were singing, i kept thinking of this song- 'You never give up on me' or something like that, that was in Facing the Giants. and when i felt like such a screw up and that God must be so sick of me failing Him all the time, i remember the one truth that i had wanted to encourage by reminding others with and the title to that song, that Lord, You never give up on me. and i feel this unending, amazing love outpouring upon me from God.
Ben talked to one of the uncles in the second village. he later recounted their conversation during our debriefing that night. the uncle was illiterate and very poor, so much so that if anyone in his family got sick, all they can do is pray. they live on such raw, untouched faith, which is so beautiful really. and once when he had heartburn, God healed him without a visit to the doctor. so ben asked this uncle, "i want to pray for you, what is it that you want to ask for from God?" and he replied,"the wisdom to understand the Bible." LIKE WHOA.... ben challenged us that here was this man who lived on nothing but his faith and he so desperately wants to be able to read the Word of God and understand it and at the other end of that story lies us, lies me who does not have the same passion he has for the Bible. what an incredible lesson really.
oh also and worship leading, i came to realize how honest malay praise song were. the lyrics would say stuff like 'i want to love you Jesus' and 'the most important thing is to lift high Your name'. and especially hearing the phrase'i WANT to love you Jesus' shows that we learn to love from God and loving God deeply requires help from God Himself and i was just blown away listening to the simple, honest lyrics of the songs we sang.
i'm super sleepy already so i'm gonna sleep now. i had a really good time in Slim River and i'm glad for the bonding experience with so many of them who went too. :)
with lots of love,
Candice. :D
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