more broken

i had a pretty good day yesterday! had some stuff on my mind actually but spending the day running around and laughing with mich, elena and other teng family members, and then going out with faris, goo and vonne made me feel so much better. it's pretty sweet how when one part of your life cracks, another can rise up to give you strength.

friends are really awesome, i'm glad i have them in my life. barbeque last night was really fun and comfy! we totally branded the guys with rose and butterfly tattoos. LOL! it's funny how i'm not the same girl i was. i realized that today at the awards ceremony in school. i've changed, not for the worse and probably only slightly for the better. just different ya know? and it's amazing how life changes like that. and scary. and i don't know what my conclusion is really, but i'm sure that i'm different but still same same. :)

i used to be pretty defined by what i did, like sports, president of cf, dance, academics, monitor and debator. and just recently, i missed that acknowledgement. i missed being known for that. but the truth is i'm not her anymore, or that side of me's pretty dormant already. yet still, i guess maybe behind all that, is just me. and btw, the only of the above still in my life is cf, but finally i'm defined by who i am and not what i do. maybe that's what we all do. hide behind masks that show a better version of us. a mask that's prettier, smarter, more talented. and it takes so much strength and confidence to finally be comfortable with who you are as you. to believe that the you under the mask, the real you, is more beautiful than any mask could ever be. and as much as i love being hyper, as cool and as big a part of my life uhm, intensity girl(LOL) is, a bigger part of me is this girl, writing long, winding posts about life and challenges. and not many people in my life know about this side of me or much less prefer it to 'intensity girl', but you know what? i like her. :)

thanks too to rachel and kathleen and a few others as well. :) you guys really inspire me to be me. i'm really grateful and infinitely blessed to have you as friends, watching over me. i love you guys to bits and pieces!

oh and i learnt that sometimes you gotta say to pain in its horrid face, that you can keep pushing me but you'll never break me. hang in there okay?

i am strong,
candice