learning to fly

well it's gonna be a sleepless night of bio for me. :(

but still, i really needed to post this up. if you've been around me lately, you've probably heard me whining, groaning, complaining, and whatever else constitutes irritating repetitive talking about university. to be honest the stress has been overwhelming and i feel so so exhausted, so scared to trust in God. i've mentioned here before that i kept getting prompted by God that i would get a space in the university of my choice, but this time it's just so much more difficult to trust Him at all. because if this doesn't come true when i've put my whole heart into believing it, i think i'm gonna crumble and my faith's gonna be shaken. truth is i'm really terrified about my future now, just clouded by worry every day, each test result reminding me to stress even more. statistically speaking, i probably can't get a space while competing with the other really talented people in college. but spending some time with God today taught, no reminded, me this.

" Wait Israel, for God. Wait with hope. Hope now; hope always!"
- Psalms 131:3 (MSG)

"Thank God! He deserves your thanks.
His love never quits.
Thank the God of all gods,
His love never quits.
Thank the Lord of all lords.
His love never quits.

Thank the miracle-working God,
His love never quits.
The God whose skill formed the cosmos,
His love never quits.
The God who laid out earth on ocean foundations,
His love never quits.
The God who filled the skies with light,
His love never quits.
The sun to watch over the day,
His love never quits.
Moon and stars as guardians of the night,
His love never quits.
The God who struck down the Egyptian firstborn,
His love never quits.
And rescued Israel from Egypt's oppression,
His love never quits.
Took Israel in hand with his powerful hand,
His love never quits.
Split the Red Sea right in half,
His love never quits.
Led Israel right through the middle,
His love never quits.
Dumped Pharaoh and his army in the sea,
His love never quits.
The God who marched his people through the desert,
His love never quits.
Smashed huge kingdoms right and left,
His love never quits.
Struck down the famous kings,
His love never quits.
Struck Sihon the Amorite king,
His love never quits.
Struck Og the Bashanite king,
His love never quits.
Then distributed their land as booty,
His love never quits.
Handed the land over to Israel.
His love never quits.

God remembered us when we were down,
His love never quits.
Rescued us from the trampling boot,
His love never quits.
Takes care of everyone in time of need.
His love never quits.
Thank God, who did it all!
His love never quits! "
- Psalms 136 (MSG)

"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you, there is more of God and His rule.
You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.
You're blessed when you're content with just who you are - no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.
You're blessed when you've worked out a good appetite for God, He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.
You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full', you find yourselves cared for.
You're blessed when you get your inside world - your mind and heart - put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.
You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.
You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom."
- The Beatitudes, Matthew 5:3-10, (MSG)

and i also remembered this old quote from pleasefindthis.blogspot.com -
"You are not there. Somewhere in the future, suffering for something that hasn't happened yet. You are not there, in a place where all worries manifest.

You are not there. Somewhere in the past, reliving your old mistakes and regrets. You are not there, in a place where memories ressurect.

You are here. Right here."

basically all of the above reminded me not to worry right now. i am HERE and NOW, and there are things for me to do now. i'm not gonna let satan win by letting worry pull down my spirits. i mean saying "don't worry" is super easy, but from reading all these things above i feel a sense of peace beginning to fight the worry. God's there you know, telling me that He's gonna take care of me. and be it IMU or Monash, it's all gonna be in His will for me. so i guess my idea of 'trusting Him' has been a bit distorted and selfish. right now i want to just surrender, really just give it all to God, because He can take it, and i can't. there's something so humbling and comforting to read the words "His love never quits" so many times.

so today Lord, thank You for reminding me that i'm still human. that though sometimes i like to think i'm superhuman and that i am indestructible, thank You for bringing me to a place of complete surrender, for pushing me to need You and ultimately of reminding me that You are my God, and that Your love never quits. thank You Lord for the quiet strength and the lessons i have learnt. most of all, thank You, for being You. :)

thanking God for this life,
candice