tearing down the walls

this morning, i was on the way to college when i took out my iPod and started listening. while staring out of the car, i prayed a short prayer and i remember saying, Lord, let me live today for You. and around then, the song 'counting on God' came on, as i was still talking to God, and this joy washed over me. it's funny really, how for the first time in my life, i feel that joy unspeakable, that overwhelms, that is great in its stillness. i've heard people talk of how they felt it when they first accepted Christ, but the truth is, i don't remember when i accepted Christ. strange i know, but it just seemed like a gradual process through yc and my relationship with God somehow just blossomed to where it is today. and that is amazing because it shows me that anyone and everyone can have a relationship with God. and each relationship can be mended when things go wrong. since like december last year, my relationship with God, well i wasn't doing my devotions regularly and though i still struggle with it now, i knew things were sorta not right with Him but still okay, and my prayer was always the same. i was praying for breakthrough. to really just break free of the complacent state i was in, when i did not care enough to move forward. and breakthrough came, when i least expected it, surely as the sun rises every morning. :)

sometimes faith feels like you're pushing, punching against a brick wall. it isn't moving and your brain is telling you that it never will, pleading with you to just give up. but you push anyways, giving it your all, until the unending wall before you crumbles to your feet.

i remember clearly the first time i started speaking in tongues. it was in THIRSTY? camp 2007. we were huddled in a circle and everyone kept encouraging me to just speak whatever words i have while they prayed. and it was a bit weird, and a bit embarassing to be speaking just the syllables in my mind, but i remember pushing so hard, harder than ever since then, because it was a gift i was desperate for. and after a while, the Holy Spirit took over, and now i can speak in tongues. and one of the things that makes getting the gift so beautiful to me, is that you gotta want it, above all, you must be desperate for it. my life hasn't been the same since! :)

PEOPLE I ADMIRE #2 - Jack Lengyel


yes i know that this is in fact matthew mcconaughey, but jack lengyel is the character he plays in the movie 'We Are Marshall'. which was a totally fantastic movie, definitely top 5 in my list! next to the great debators and anna and the king. :P it was basically about a town, in which their entire football team passed away in a plane crash, and they had to restart their football programme again, from the ashes. jack, the new coach, is slightly eccentric i would say, and early in the movie, you would think from the way he speaks that he isn't very bright and is a bit lazy in his speech. but only as the movie progressed did i realize that he is in fact very wise, an uncommon wisdom masked by simplicity, expressed in unexpected analogies and kind honesty. he was the one that kept hoping for Marshall when nearly everyone else had given up hope. he was their pillar of hope, a strength that caused others to start hoping again. i love how he approaches people and listens, thinks, then only talks, if necessary. i also learnt that there are 'tough-looking' people in the world that just need a caring person to break their wall. and chung zhi, i think he's really cool la! :) here are some quotes from we are marshall..

"Winning is everything and nothing else matters. I mean I've... I've said that so many times myself I... I... I... I lost count. You know and... it doesn't matter what sport. And it doesn't matter what country. Any coach who's worth a darn in this business believes those words fact. Then I came here... and for the first time in my life, hell maybe for the first time in the history of sports suddenly it's just not true anymore. At least not here, not now. No... ya see, Red, it doesn't matter if we win, or if we lose. It's not even about how we play the game. What matters is that we play the game. That we take the field. That we suit up on Saturdays and we keep this program alive. We play the game and Red, I'm tellin' ya one day... not today, not tomorrow. Not this season probably. Not next season either, but one day you and I are gunna wake up suddenly we're gunna be like every other team, in every other sport where winning is everything, and nothing else matters. When that day comes... well that's when we'll honor them."
- this held so true, about the spirit of not giving up ever, even when it gets so tough you feel like you can't take it anymore. at that point, it's not about whether you win or not, what matters is that you play, even when the world expects you to stop. and it was also a reminder to me, that everything has its own time, and miracles don't always come instantly.

"Jack Lengyel: Today, I want to talk about our opponent this afternoon. They're bigger, faster, stronger, more experienced and on paper, they're just better. And they know it too. But I want to tell you something that they don't know. They don't know your heart. I do. I've seen it. You have shown it to me. You have shown this coaching staff, your teammates. You have shown yourselves just exactly who you are in here.
[Thumps his chest]
Jack Lengyel: When you take that field today, you've got to lay that heart on the line, men. From the souls of your feet, with every ounce of blood you've got in your body, lay it on the line until the final whistle blows. And if you do that, if you do that, we cannot lose. We may be behind on the scoreboard at the end of the game but if you play like that we cannot be defeated. Now we came here today to remember six young men and sixty-nine others who will not be on the field with you today, but they will be watching. You can bet your ass that they'll be gritting their teeth with every snap of that football. You understand me? How you play today, from this moment on is how you will be remembered. This is your opportunity to rise from these ashes and grab glory. We are...
Young Thundering Herd: Marshall! "

it's funneee to think tomorrow night, i won't be sleeping alone! there'll be three other CRAZY girls in my bed. scratch that.

it's funneee to think tomorrow night, i won't be getting ANY sleep at all. ;)

love always,
me! :)