POST NUMBER 100!!!! *giggles!*
wow, there's been so much i've been meaning to blog about. but so MUCH so that it would take so long and i was so lazy. but i'm in a good mood today cause had a pretty productive afternoon/evening! :)
i started the day with FRIEND DAY at prayer meeting, and i love it! i believe the idea came from God lor, and it felt really good to pray for other instead of ourselves for once, hopefully from now on for at least once a week! :) john, joe, jenna, jane, jenny, jeveryone, and anyone else i missed out, GOD BLESS YOU SO MUCH!!! :)
so what i wanted to blog about was about all the movies and videos i've been watching in english for our creative writing assignment. so far we've watched precious, nickelback's mv - savin'me and half of taken. my heart was so KAN CHEONG during taken that i think it STOPPED for a while when we had to stop halfway. LIKE BLEHHH!and i've been rereading one child and tiger's child by torey hayden and it's brought up many thought-provoking feelings too!
hmm firstly, i happy to say that i'm getting my devotions back on track, it's super different this time somehow! i don't know how i reached the point of CHANGE, be it how upset i was about my growing gauge and BURP, or it it was alex's sharing on devotions, but i remember it started with a prayer and an initiative to move past the discomfort and laziness of doing devotions. and now i feel like i'm reading the Bible for the first time and it's become easier in a sense to talk to God. i've always had the desire to spend time with Him in me, but i never pursued it, cause of laziness and etc, but i succumbed to that desire a few days back and it feels amazing. i'm happier in a peacefuller way than usual. :) and so i guess what i'm saying is i'm trying again. and you should too if you're stuck where i was. God is so awesome you'll be blown away. :)
thank You God, for being You. for loving me even when i couldn't love myself. for forgiving me of all the things i'm ashamed of. for giving me a second chance for the trillionth time. thank You for this life that can be spent with You in worship. thank You for the little blessings along the way and the struggles too that remind me how human i am and how great You are. did i mention You rock and You're really awesome? :) i love You daddy God!! :D
"Although I was heartsick about the incident, a strange feeling twinged in me. Five months earlier, Sheila had been the abuser and someone else had been the victim. Undoubtedly the boy's parents had felt very much the same way as Chad was now feeling toward Jerry. While it did not by any means excuse the gross inhumanity of the crime, it made me aware that the hurt and the damage i found in Sheila was probably in Jerry too. Neither was innocent, but neither was solely evil either. I was sadly plagued by knowing that Jerry was undoubtedly just as much a victim as Sheila. This made things so much more complicated."
- Torey Hayden, One Child
could it be that circumstances, terrible unspeakable ones, could change who you are forever? that someone like sheila or jerry, if brought up in a loving, caring environment, might not have turned out so? and i find that extremely upsetting, and also scary, cause i'm thinking, would i still be me under different circumstances? under the painful, despicable, inhumane things sheila has been put through? cause i think the answer'd be no. and i'm brought to a place of why? i ask it so often, and i probably know the answer, but still the ache is there, so, why? why was i meant to live so blessed-ly and sheila so horribly? even biology says that environmental factors account for who you become. isn't it so humbling yet terrifying to realize that the human spirit isn't indestructible? it isn't unbreakable. we are not untouchable, we are exposed to pain and love each day, in different measures. and if you're reading this waiting for my grand answer, i don't have one. i've never been so confused really. but i think, that Jesus is the answer. and though He brings healing, and peace, and the greatest love that overpowers all evil, life still hurts. i guess that's just life you know?
still it's impossible to read these books and not be so in awe of torey hayden. the boston globe describes her as " Torey Hayden deserves the kind of respect i can't give many people. She isn't just valuable, she's incredible. The world needs more like Torey Hayden." wow, she's such an inspiration really. and to think, what did she do that brought about such a difference? she sacrificed her time and loved freely and unconditionally. (in case you didn't know, torey hayden works with severely disturbed/mentally handicapped/emotionally disturbed children) and there are so many people in this world that could survive, could be secure and happy and confident, if more people were like torey, simply by listening and loving. these children just need time and patience, and she has proved it over and over and over again. sure, it's taxing, and difficult, but wow, life after life is forever altered because of her. what if we all, took the time to listen too? what if we all gave a little more love too?(i know i'm talking in circles repetitively again, but i'm always at a loss for proper sentences when it comes to things i really care about.)
does everyone deserve a second chance? people like precious' mum, hitler, jack the ripper etc. did you know that the gas they used to kill the jews back then hurt like super terribly instead of just making them sleep? and it made blood come out of their eyes and nose and all. some people just don't deserve forgiveness la. at least i mean, i don't think i can forgive em. but who am i to judge right? that's what grace means i suppose, Jesus forgave everything and for every sin in the world, He was tortured, and He made us whole again.
ACHO, SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOTTA FIGHT LA. some mistakes gotta be made. :)
in precious, a question was raised. should she have kept the baby she got from her father by rape, or should she have given him up for adoption, though she loved him? at 16 (?) she had her whole life ahead of her, well sort of, but we were discussing it in class that day. should she have given him up for adoption so she could make something more of herself? and the big question was, in her shoes, what would you do? hmm, i thought about it hard, and i decided. i would keep the baby. firstly i'm sure even if it wasn't part of my plan, it's part of God's plan for me somehow. and the baby needs love kay. and i remember sitting in that classroom thinking, there are mothers in this world that will fight to the bone to protect their children, mothers who can lift cars off their toddlers, mothers who will do anything for the good of their babies. so why, hypothetically, can't i be like them? I KNOW THIS IS EASIER SAID THAN DONE, but if it can be done, if i know it's right, i'm certain that i will find the courage to do it, hypothetically. cause courage is simply making a decision and sticking to it no matter what.
hahahh i got home from listening to some pretty gruesome accident stories from my dad. and it was funny, i realized today my dad was a kid once too. a kid like me. and this is my mature, experienced, smart, brilliant dad i'm talking about! haha i found it really cool la, that he was a kid once too. which made me wonder where i'd be in 40 years. hahahha, will i be cool and brilliant too? ;P
anyways i'm so tired of typing dey, gonna go now! keep smiling kay!!! and remember that when you look closely enough, people truly are beautiful. :)
"All the rest came
They tried to make me laugh
They played games with me
Some games for fun and some
For real and for keeps.
And then they went away
Leaving me in the ruins of the games
Not knowing which were for fun
And which were for keeps and
Leaving me with the echos of
Laughter that wasn't mine.
Then you came
With your funny way of being
Not quite human
And you made me cry.
And you didn't seem to care if i did,
You just said the games were over
And waited
Until all my tears turned into
Joy. "
- Love, by Sheila, One Child
walking on sunshine,
candice
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