Bid Thee Farewell

Today is New Year's Eve. How quickly time has gone by.

2012.. was my most difficult year by far, a phrase that the people close to me must have heard hundreds of times by now. It felt like the obstacles that challenged me deeply as a person rolled in one after another, threatening to crumble me unless I could use them to grow in character to greater heights.

This year I learnt a bit more about life, and death. I watched friends discover love and begin new stories with their partners. I got to get a glimpse of the life I had always wanted to lead in a secluded village somewhere in Papua New Guinea. I saw how far my dreams could carry me if I had the courage to chase after them. This year, I lived with the most amazing housemates ever and learnt more about friendship, life, God. I experienced how people from different circles of friends can come together to pray and seek God, and end up growing so close with the love of Christ surrounding them. I received new prophecies about the direction God wanted me to grow in, and the amazing future He has for me.

This year, I had to let go of some things that were holding me back from life and choose to keep looking forward expectantly.

This year, I have cried walking home alone and asked no few times why God had forsaken me.
But, this was also the year that I found joy in the little things, laughed without a care in the world, depended on the people around me for strength, felt His peace that could calm a raging storm and learnt faith, so much more faith. This was also the year that I began to truly believe in my dreams, and dream for even bigger things.

So while 2012 was undoubtedly the hardest one yet, it was also the most beautiful one yet.
Because there lies a beauty in brokenness, and an opportunity to be molded into someone tougher, who may be able to show others what life can be like with Jesus by your side, even in the worst of storms.

I am beyond thankful for the year You have given me Papa. :)

So, what lies in store for me next year? I don't know. But, one thing I do know is this, I have asked Him a few years in a row now, how the next year could possibly be better than this one, and every year since, He has not failed to amaze me with the kind of grace and heights He brings to my life.

Next year will be.. new. I will be on placements all year round in Frankston, a place which always felt like it had a bit of magic for me. :) I will have to encounter sick and dying patients every day, and study even harder to keep up. I will be learning to lead even more people in their walks in life, and with God. I will have to say goodbye to people that I have come to love so dearly.

Yet, as I look forward to the new year, I feel a small stirring in my spirit. I hear one word resounding - favour.

And for now, I'm gonna hang on to that, and simply keep believing.

With much love as always,
Dice

Life On A Banana Leaf: My Two Cents

Being home this time has taught me much. As I roam the streets of KL, watch its people live their everyday lives.. I find my heart captured, captivated. I feel God opening new eyes in my soul to see His heart for KL.

I love this place I call home. 

Yesterday, my sister and I followed my mum to the heart of KL to fix some shoes, do cheap shopping and have one of my favourite nasi lemaks. I pondered the way of life most people have there, especially after meeting Pepsi, who was very skilled at fixing shoes. Life for them, was simple. You learn from others, develop a skill set, you work hard and you make a living from that. It was a way of life that eluded me to an extent, a way of life that fascinated me immensely for some reason. It was what drew me to and fascinated me about Koivi too.

And then we met the uncle who sold nasi lemak, who has been selling them even during my childhood. According to my sister, he didn't change a single bit. He is a very cheerful man, and appears very content to live life selling delicious food on the side of a street. Maybe he had other dreams once. Maybe this wasn't the life he intended to live at all. But then again.. maybe he simply made the most out of the cards he had been dealt. All I know is this, encountering his joy next to a busy roadside gave me a glimpse of what 1 Malaysia is truly all about.

Encountering KL itself (in stories for another day) has awakened a new calling within me, one that assures me that I will one day return here to watch change happen right before my eyes and hands, a change for a better future for all Malaysians. I still believe in that future. :)

As with many of my posts, I don't have a point to this. In every case, I write simply because I am compelled to share my convictions. I write simply to think out loud, and hope that maybe, just maybe.. these two cents worth of thoughts may inspire another person to dig deeper and dream even further.

Till next time,
Dice

Heaven on Earth

Moved me to tears.

Blessings,
Dice

My Patch of Sunshine

Every afternoon lately, sunshine comes through my window, as surely as the sun rises every morning.

I probably missed it till now since I haven't been in my room much until this point. But it's beautiful, and it brings an amazing warmth with it. One of my first few times experiencing this sunshine was when I knelt by my bed to pray, and it just shone upon me so brightly mid-prayer.

Maybe, that alone is enough to be thankful for. :)

Blessings,
Candice

I Will Rise

Last night, I received some pretty devastating news. To be honest, it shook me pretty hard. So this post is just for everybody who has been so so supportive and strong for me in this time, still believing, still encouraging and still prophesying.. thank you. To my parents, sisters, UL41 core and carers, housies and friends, you guys mean the world to me. I love you all so much.

I am so thankful to God for letting this happen when it did, just when I was surrounded by people ready to love me and cheer me on. Today I talked to the core and carers of UL41, my parents and then read all the lovely notes from people that came to my birthday party with Popsy and Gladys. All of you moved me to tears.

Last night, I told God that I have never felt this forsaken before. And yet, with determination right now, I am able to say that I feel so much more loved and encouraged in this time than ever before too. God is good, and I will be victorious.

I will rise, this is my promise to you all.

Love always,
Candice

19

With a quiet joy in my heart and an occasional smile spread across my face.. I am happy.

I do feel very very special today. :)

Thank you to everyone who contributed to making me feel this way, will do a full birthday recap soon when I get my pictures! :)

With much love,
Dice

For The Best Housemates Ever

This year, God blessed me so much with these amazing girls that I live with.

Though Gladys technically doesn't stay with us, I consider her an honorary housemate as well. :)

I don't think I could've made it through this season of my life in one piece without their constant encouragement guiding me along, smiles/jumps/watergun stress relievers to cheer me up and prayers to keep me strong. Looking back now, everytime I felt all alone, all I had to do was look at them still around me offering a shoulder to lean and cry on, and finding the courage to prophesy good things over my life that I realize.. God didn't forsake me in this time of need. He sent so many of His angels to come take care of me. :) And I don't cheesy mean it, I really mean it.

I truly appreciate everything you guys have done for me, all the notes and declarations, the food, the long talks, the wake up calls, making sure I study, the prayers and mostly just always being there for me. I love that we're a house of people that whip out their Bibles in times of struggle and hardship, rather than things like eight bottles of wine or something. :P Each of you has taught me so much this year, and I am definitely a better person for it. Though next year remains an uncertaintly for now, I will never forget the funny things we did together. Haha. I love each of you girlies heaps. :) Here's to finishing the semester together!

Love,
Dice

Through The Darkest Night

This has by far, been the hardest year ever. 

But God is good. :) God is still.. so good to me.

Tonight, I am reminded of this song below, and how powerful those words really are. I remember my Mama singing it to me when I was a little girl, and now as a teenager, I realize the kind of life and truth it contains. So encouraged right now. :) Thank you for this one Mama! 

With a smile through the rain,

Candice 

Much To Be Grateful For

This morning, I'm thankful for sisters.
This morning, I'm thankful for family. :)

Love,
Dice

You Can Only Dream Too Small

Dreaming can be a very lonely experience. 

But I remember telling myself all throughout my teen years that I refuse to one day wake up an 80-year old woman and realize that the dreams I had as a young woman of God never ever amounted to anything more than being just dreams.

But I remember one of my all-time favourite quotes, adapted from a book I read recently entitled Safely Home. It reminds me that every time I think my dreams are too far out of reach, God simply says no, they're just too small. I love what Pastor Rudy reminded us of also:

Romans 11:29 

- "For the gifts and calling of God are irrevocable".

So, find a dream that's worth fighting for, and don't ever give up on it.
Find something that you are head over heels in love with, passionate for, and then live it out. Design their reality.

A reminder, of why I do what I do. 

(P.S: I actually am in this picture, just lost behind the crowd middle right)

If not me, then who? If I don't reach out to them with the gifts I have been given, then who will?

All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their mind wake in the day to find that it was vanity, but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible.
- T. E Lawrence

I believe in my dream. :) And I believe in yours too. Go for it. :)

Blessings,
Dice

Peace

In all my years, I can honestly say, that NOTHING has ever compared (and will ever compare) to the peace of Jesus. Again and again, right in the middle of my storms, He steps in and releases an overflow of love. Tonight was no exception, a step up even. I don't think that I will ever stop being amazed at how my Papa brings healing just like that. Just one encounter with Him, just one amazing, overwhelming encounter, and that is all it takes to make everything okay again.

"Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let it be afraid."
- John 14:27

God is good, all the time. :)

P.S: Testimony for the day - This morning Sam woke up because of a phone call from me, and she claims to have spent a few minutes saying "HELLOOOO" until she put it down. Funny thing was, I didn't intend to call her, but my pocketdial ended up waking her in time for her exam after her alarm failed. God is so good. :)

Believing,

Dice

In Search Of: Sanctuary

Secret getaway

New favourite place to study

Looking for sunshine,
Candice

Gonna Make You Stronger

Perhaps the last emotion on my mind this afternoon was to be thankful. Frustration definitely, anger maybe a little.. but thankfulness.. nah.

Still, this shows that I have so much more to learn about life, and God. To understand that His plans for me really are for good and not to harm me.  A friend described today her much more unfavourable conditions and confidently said at the end "but I still choose to praise God".

Conviction washed over me like a flood. How often had I immediately turned to blame Him when something bad happened to me? And after all, today could have gone much much worse for me. What happened to the spirit in me that used to love singing "blessed be Your name even when there's pain in the offering"? So I walked home alone, singing softly "Joy unspeakable that won't go away, with just enough strength to live for the day, so I never have to worry what tomorrow will bring cause my faith is on solid rock, I'm counting on God." I sang until my pain was replaced with joy, and hurt with lasting peace. God is good, and attitude really is everything. Now my focus is back on tomorrow and scoring the best that I can, instead of on my regrets from today.

And once more, I remember that I am highly favoured and blessed beyond measure.

Today, I am thankful for precious girls I live with who all helped me practice my OSCE's even till late in the night. I am thankful for friends that pray with me before exams and for those who encourage me afterwards, reminding me that God is still good and that tomorrow will be a better day. I am thankful for kind acquaintances who offer a hug just because they thought you could use one. Most of all, I am thankful for a God who believes in me and is always looking out for me.

I am thankful. :)

So blessed,
Candice

Find Rest in You

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love."
- 1 John 4:18

"We are pressed but not crushed, persecuted not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed, I'm blessed beyond the curse, for His promise will endure, His joy's gonna be my strength."
-Trading My Sorrows (Adapted from 2 Corinthians 4:8-9)

Change Your Perspective

I stood at the entrance of the library today, under minimal shade as I stared at the rain, contemplating if a warm dinner was worth a very wet walk. I chose to walk, thinking that this was such bad luck, and as I was getting soaked from the rain because I forgot my umbrella yet again, I felt kinda bummed out. Where was the sunshine spring promised?

Yet, as I sat facing the large window and ate my warm dinner ten minutes later, I was reminded of how blessed I am. I looked out at the pouring rain with different eyes this time and saw how beautiful it was. Once I really got that, my spirits lifted and my quiet joy returned to me. Attitude is everything.

I faced my textbook today, and figured "I will never be able to remember all of this" "I can't do this" "I'm such a failure".. The abusive voice in my head has been taunting me, trying to convince me that I'll never succeed in this.

Yet, I started writing my notes. I began small, and learnt things bit by bit. As my page filled up and my mind started to remember more things, peace descended on me, and I knew, that God is and will always be on my side. I know that if I give Him my best right now, He will honour that. Attitude is everything.

Yesterday I walked home coughing, and I was feeling extremely frustrated with God. Where was this healing I was believing for? I know it was promised to me, and that God gave me the authority to heal the sick and raise the dead through Christ Jesus, and yet.. this ailment just would not go away. I didn't want to talk to Him anymore, so I went to sleep.

Yet, at night, I sat down with my Bible once more, despite how much I did not want to. And those words spoke right to me, and offered a comfort that surpassed all understanding. I felt my anger and exhaustion melt away as God gave me the strength to go on for just one more day. I'm still believing for amazing things to come my way, for I spent all year listening to those promises. I've just got to make a choice every morning, to give praise anyways, to see the beauty in life anyways, and to give my best in all I do now anyways.
Maybe, the biggest gift He had planned for me all along was.. me, an older, stronger, tougher version that has finally learnt to thank God for even just a single ray of sunshine during a raging storm.

Attitude, is everything.

"Anyone who trusts in Him will never be put to shame."
- Romans 10:11

On another note, I've been catching up with a really dear friend lately, and she offered me such encouragement in just two sentences. It really makes me wonder, who do people see when they look at me? Is there more to me than I let myself believe sometimes? For a while now, the words that I've been using to describe myself were more along the lines of struggling, waiting, tired, fearful, weak, stupid. Not always, so don't worry too much! But still, those words are quite constantly at the back of my mind. And yet, people have been telling me words like strong, with much potential, self-sustaining with God, encouraging, amazing, highly favoured, steadfast.

Perhaps, in life, when we begin to lose faith in ourselves, we should allow ourselves to rely on the positive things that others say. When the eyes looking at ourselves are full of judgment, maybe then, it is time to close them, and believe in what other people see instead.

"You are good, You are good, and Your love endures."
- Let Your Glory Fall by Matt Redman

"And Joshua said unto them, "Sanctify yourselves, for tomorrow, the Lord will do wonders among you."
- Joshua 3:5

With love,
Dice

You Never Let Go

Walking back home from the library today, I thought I walked into something, cause I suddenly felt something hard hit my left hand and it was very wet. It took me a while to realize the people jeering from the car were jeering at me, after having thrown an egg at me. I'm not too sure why they did it - road rage, racism, or drunkedness maybe, but even if they intended it for evil, I think they picked the wrong target cause I didn't get upset. I was really shocked, but surprisingly, not angry at all.

When the egg hit me, the words playing through my iPod speakers were "Oh no, You never let go, through the calm and through the storm, Oh Lord, You never let go of me."

Perhaps the most frustrating part of this incident was the egg that spilled into my carry bag, onto my books, keys, tupperwares etc. When I was cleaning it out back home, I picked my Bible out of the bag and saw that it too was covered in egg.

That was a bit upsetting, cause well, it's my Bible and I really like my Bible. But then it reminded me of such a powerful message:

"And the King will answer and say to them, "Assuredly I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.""
- Matthew 25:40

Not to mention the lyrics of the song! "You never let go".

In my devotions over the past few days, I have been going back to my basics and learning about Jesus in Hebrews, what He did for us, how He willingly took off His robes to come on earth, be tempted and then die so that we may live with Him in eternity one day. That we may be set free.

Today, I am reminded of a Saviour so close that He felt everything that I feel, and received every blow I have ever received. I am reminded that what anyone does to me, good or bad, they do to Him who paid for my life. And whatever I do to others, I do to Him as well. I remember this one time whereby I was journalling my frustrations. I was penning down how much I didn't like myself when I heard God say to me clearly, "Take it back. If you hate yourself, then you hate Me."I took it back for sure, if I could that is. I could never hate my Father in heaven, even if it meant having to learn to love myself for my imperfections as well.

God, You are so good. Thank You for being such a personal God, closer than a best friend. I know that one day we'll look back on this incident and laugh about it together (over popcorn and hot chocolate maybe? :D). Love you long time Papa.

With sunshine,
Candice

Inspired

"But Jesus looked at them and said, "With men this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible."

- Matthew 19:26

We Are The Answer

The moment God said to me with pride, "And THIS, is what I created you for."

(The most unattractive picture of me in my PNG collection, one that got Pearly to very humorously respond "OMG. You should never show anyone that picture. I can't express how bad that is!" But, I like the quirkiness of it, for after all, it is a privilege to be completely myself and have a picture to remember it by. :) )

For me, that moment happened sometime ago in a secluded village in Papua New Guinea. Many days, I wish I was still there, where I know in my heart I am meant to be.. and yet, I find myself here. Crouched over my books trying and trying to stuff information in. It is so much more difficult than I ever expected and I cannot say that the idea of giving up has never crossed my mind before.

But.. I've had enough of my whining. I've had enough of thinking that I cannot do this. Enough is enough.

In this life, I think that I have been extremely blessed to have felt God's call even in my mid-teenage years. He sowed dreams in me, and set my heart ablaze for these people that I have never even met before. He sent people to prophesy great things over my life, and challenged me greatly along the way to build me up for that incredible future He's been whispering to me about.That reason alone should be sufficient to drive me harder and further into giving my best where I am now.

I'm not ready to be sent out now. I need to learn more, grow more, and become strengthened more through adversity. And so I write this, to remind myself, that greater things are at stake if I do not give more now in this season. My life was never meant to be about me, but for my future patients, mentees, friends.

"If you are sitting on your gift, you are jeopardizing someone else's future."
- The pastor in the Mighty Men video

I am strong. And like Papa said, I know that I will be victorious. :)

Fighter

"So no, I can't let that fighting spirit die. Not even if I have to fight like hell to keep that fighting spirit alive.

I cannot let myself be defined by the voices of those around me. I cannot afford to.
My only identity should come from the voice of God, telling me I am precious, I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I am loved.

I cannot run from my problems, I need to find the courage to face them, and start dealing with it from the bottom.

I cannot keep believing the lies intended to bring me down.

I cannot break down, and I won't.

I will fight."
- December 2011

Thank you for that, I really needed it. 
And thank you God, for leading me to the words of that young girl, maybe I am still more like her than I thought. But I know that You will pull me through, just as You pulled her through whatever it was she was going through then. I know that You are a faithful God. And I know, that if You are on my side, I need not fear anything at all. :) 

"I call out the fighter in you. Don't give up now, for I never once stopped believing that you would be victorious."
- Papa, at Carer's Discipleship

"The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the path of righteousness
For His name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
Your rod and Your staff, 
they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me 
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord,
Forever."
- Psalm 23

Greater things are yet to come,

Dice 

Validation

Beautiful, simply because I take after my Father in Heaven,
and
Precious, only because He loves me so well.

Been having a pretty bad case of writer's block lately, but I'll be back here soon I hope! :)

The Weight of Dreams

Wish I could be back in PNG for just a day. :( I really miss the adventure, people and joy in loving what I do.

On the other hand, quote of the year..

Me: Why are all my shoes and heating elements breaking??
Sister: Well, maybe God is trying to tell you something. Like.. maybe Jesus wants you to sit and chill. :)

Love,
Dice

Why I Am A Christian

I felt this post weighing on my heart at Discipleship tonight. First off, Discipleship was just off the hook tonight. I cannot experience moments like this and have a single doubt about Him remain. God is so real, so good and He loves us so much. Today Pastor Debbie had an altar call for people who were struggling in a certain area, who needed healing from God tonight. To be in the audience and watch so, SO many people take a brave step out to the front to receive prayer and stand before God, crying out "Lord I need you to set me free from this", to watch person after person get touched by the Holy Spirit and cry tears of exhaustion and relief, to witness emotional healing right before my eyes and listen to breakthrough stories from my close friends afterwards, to feel my own heart speed up in awe.. how can I not be moved by God? I love situations like this, because I feel that God shows off how beautiful He is unashamedly, as He goes and ministers to everyone individually and helps them pick up the pieces of their broken heart.

Some days, I have my doubts too. Some days I wonder, if I'm just making a huge mistake committing my life to this cause, to this Person. But then I look back, and I see essentially.. my best friend. The One who sat with me through teary nights, painful moments, but also the One who brought me all the joy I have in my soul now. Every bit of goodness and sunshine in me, is without a doubt, just a reflection of Him, it is ALL from Him. James 1:17 says -"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning."

He knows me better than I know myself, and so I wanna spend my life knowing Him. I've been a Christian for 7 years now, and I have never regretted coming into relationship with Jesus Christ. I have never run out of things to learn, or grow in, and I have never stopped being challenged to be even better than I am now, to love more and give more and encourage more and even give my best in every area. Call me crazy for talking about Him like He's a person, but that's the truth I know deep in my spirit and will vouch for undoubtedly. Often times, He is even the real-est thing in my life.

And if I was alone on this, I'd think I was crazy too. Because if the Word of God is true and it says that Jesus came to die for ALL MEN, then the kind of relationship I have with God must not be limited to just me. Well, it isn't, and by the fact that I am constantly surrounded by people who know their God as well, and are holding on to Him as they fight through personal battles.. either God is real or we're all just a bunch of people chasing shadows. Pastor Wendy Perez said,"Either He's God or He isn't". That's just something you have to decide for yourself. I love that in the house I live in now in Melbourne, I constantly hear testimonies from my housemates. The testimonies NEVER END, like seriously. I've heard "God healed my foot today", "God healed my vomiting", "God never let me go", "The Holy Spirit touched me today and it was so amazing", "God revealed to me this about you", "God provided", "God told me that..".. and the list goes on and on. And not just them, I hear testimonies all the time from fellow believers, my sister, my urban life members, other friends.. I choose to believe that we live the way we live because each of us has encountered God in a deeply personal way, and since then, we were never the same again. But that's the best part, God takes us on a journey and it doesn't end at deciding to follow Him, it begins there and life since.. is just watching the overflow of His grace and love.

Recently, I had been struggling with who God was. The Word says that He keeps His promises, and I had been holding Him to that for so long, as I mentioned in my previous post. I grabbed on to that like a child was grabbing a toy that I didn't realise another powerful aspect of my God - He can't stay away from my pain. So many times this year, I have just been going through the motions of life, being strong when I felt weak, and there were instances where I felt especially crap, when I really just can't find the strength to take another step without breaking down. Always, ALWAYS, at my point of ultimate desperation, strength will come from unlikely places. I remember the night at Combined Urbs where Pastor Rudy just had a word for someone in the crowd, as prompted by the Holy Spirit. He talked about exactly the storm going through my mind, things he could not have possibly known unless by divine encounter, for I told no one. I remember the time my housemates gave me a card that was LOADED with encouragements, when I was fighting with something very difficult for me. I remember the promises and exact words I needed to hear at Beautiful Woman conference, spoken out to the audience. I remember feeling peace just.. wash over my spirit and make everything okay again. He just couldn't stay away from my struggles even as He's making me wait to see my promises come true. I love that about Him, love it so much! :)

I just realised that this post sounds a little morbid in the sense that there's so much tears and struggling everywhere. Let me clarify, God isn't just God in the storm, He's a God that brings amazing things too! "In His presence is fullness of joy". So many times, I have walked down the street and just started smiling, because God is just so good to me, and so funny too. Like the time, I was asking to see gold dust fall from heaven because I know that it has happened so many times before in various places, and I opened my eyes to see the gold nail polish of the person in front of me. It was a pretty funny moment, I gotta admit. Just recently, a precious friend of mine just randomly decided to bless me with a new bag for no particular reason too. I love that culture that we develop from experiencing the generosity of God! Who wouldn't be happy to get a new bag when her old one was getting a bit tatty and dirty? Oh and the funniest thing, yesterday before I got onto the bus, I was just thinking, God, it would be so great if the Myki reader on the bus was broken so that I can get a free ride. I got on the bus, and HEEHEE, it was broken. Hahah, I was so happy and shocked it actually happened, but it reminded me of the time Ying asked God a whiteboard at urbs and that very night, a whiteboard appeared out of nowhere in the room we had been meeting in, when there was never a whiteboard there in all the previous weeks we had been there.

I have found so much fullness in living my life over the past seven years, and increasingly with each year too. To be honest, I really don't know who I would be today if I never met Jesus. I know for a fact that I wouldn't be who I am today though. I love living by faith, and living on encouragements and loving people wholeheartedly. I love watching God in action, and talking to Him as I walk anywhere alone and hear Him speak back to me. I love the warm fuzzy feeling I get in my hands when I lift them in worship, and the way my skin tingles when the Holy Spirit's presence becomes so tangible in a room. I love that I have never once looked back and wondered if my life would be better without Him. Even if, and it's a BIG IF, I am in fact wrong about everything, I believe that I will still keep living the way I do now. My life is so good like this, so full of beauty, and trials that I know are only temporary. I live believing that there is more to this life than just, going through the motions and sticking to the status quo. I believe that I live a very full life, and if that is all I ever get, I think that I still have much to be thankful for. Like C.S Lewis wrote in one of his books from The Chronicles of Narnia- "I will live like a Narnian even if there isn't any Narnia."

But luckily, I know that that's not true. :) All I need to do is look back and see His hand upon my life over and over again to know that He's real.

So after my long speech here, I am led again to ask, Why am I a Christian?

Because of 1 John 4:19 - "We love Him because He first loved us."Simple as that.

I hope this post in some way encourages you, or stirs something in your Spirit. My last intention would be to force Jesus on you, but I wrote this merely to share about the goodness of God in my life. Take away from it what you will. :)

God bless you! :)

"The Lord bless you and keep you;
The Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, 
And give you peace."
- Numbers 6:25

Love very much,
Dice

Safety

"He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress;
In Him I will trust."

Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler
And from the perilous pestilence.
He shall cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you shall take refuge;
His truth shall be your shield and buckler.
You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,
Nor of the arrow that flies by day,
Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,
Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.

A thousand may fall at your side,
And ten thousand at your right hand;
But it shall not come near you.
Only with your eyes shall you look,
And see the reward of the wicked.

Because you have made the Lord who is my refuge,
Even the Most High, your habitation,
No evil shall befall you,
Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;
For He shall give His angels charge over you,
To keep you in all your ways.
They shall bear you up in their hands,
Lest you dash your foot against a stone.
You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra,
The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.

Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him.
I will set him on high, because he has known My name.
He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will deliver him and honor him.
With long life I will satisfy him,
And show him My salvation."
- Psalm 91

Bill Johnson once talked about what he does when he goes through great troubles and disappointments, confusion. He said - "I read the psalms, until I find a psalm that mirrors my emotions, and then I know that I'm home."

I found this Psalm yesterday that spoke to me so greatly, and I thought I'd share it with you. :)

But anyways, I haven't been blogging much lately cause I decided a month ago to take a month long break from blogging, and pen down my thoughts physically instead. It went really well, but yea, I'll still be updating this page every now and again if I decide it's worth typing out still after writing it down.

I've got heaps of new stories to share, so stay tuned! But for now let me share this.
For a really long time now, I've been holding God to His promises, things like healings and breakthroughs that I believed were specifically promised to me. Along the way, I just wanted His promises to come through because I wanted to see manifest the truth, that my God keeps His promises. I didn't want to doubt that He does. Pastor Russell was very encouraging and spot on about this that day though, he said, "God doesn't need you to make excuses for Him. All He asked for was that you believe."

One of the incidents that happened during this season of my life was that Crisis Home was given a few eviction notices, whereby DBKL (the council) wanted to kick all the residents out of their home on the claim that it was an unauthorised drug rehabilitation facility. In case you didn't know, Crisis Home houses men who may have made mistakes in the past but are now completely changed by the love of God. Truly, when you encounter the enormity of the love of God, nothing will ever be the same again. So anyways, as Uncle Isaac, who heads the home, was struggling through this trial, I went back to specifically this verse.

"For the Lord will not forsake His people, for His great name's sake, for it has pleased the Lord to make you His people."
- 1 Samuel 12:22

There was in me a confidence that nothing bad was going to happen. I knew deep down in my spirit that God will not forsake His people. Things did seem to get worse though, but by this incredible miracle by God's amazing grace, someone from DBKL went to view the home on a surprise visit and decided that they were just an ordinary family living together and that the case should be closed. Just like that, a 5 year battle was won.

Like how good is God??? :)

Call it a coincidence if you will, but from where I stand, it looks like coincidences never stop happening in the lives of prayerful Christians. God is just so good. :) And I know, that the rest of my promises are underway. I'm just growing too much in this season, because opposition will grow you like nothing else will. The most massive of characters are seared with scars right? Don't worry too much about me though, life is tough, but I'm hanging in there. Life is hard, but God is good. :)

Stay tuned for more testimonies! I know they're coming! :D

Love ALWAYS,
Dice

Blessed Be Your Name

Some of you may know that I recently made a trip to Papua New Guinea with YWAM for a short medical mission trip. I loved everything and everyone about this trip. And I wanted to share bits of it with you, my dear readers! :) Here are some extracts from my journal throughout the trip. Enjoy! :D

Day 1
I made it to the right planes! :) I write this now as I journey to the land of Papua New Guinea, and a peace, Daddy's peace is just washing over me as I listen to music and witness the majesty of His creation outside my window. The sight of the clear blue sky and the vast open sea really just takes my breath away with one thought resounding "Oh the majesty. How truly beautiful You are Daddy."

Firstly, praise God for favour! I managed to get in problem free with 9.25kg hand luggage. LIKE. Wow. :) Thank You Jesus for watching out for the little things too.


Thank You so much for this opportunity God. :) You are SO GOOD to me.

I fly now, with great expectations. I embark on this journey with great hopes, to see and feel God's heart for people I would not have normally encountered. "Amaze me Daddy, amaze me I pray."
And I hear His still small voice (that somehow also brims with excitement) saying - "Are you ready? Are you ready?"

Day 3

Looked out to the vast blue ocean this morning and was so amazed at how great our God is. And then I imagined this tiny ship in comparison to the humongous sea, I imagined us saying that we were gonna do God's work. I found it quite funny even, this comparison. But I realized, that this is what God loves. People who are so small and unqualified stepping up and saying "Use me God. I'll do anything."

Day 4
Lotsa mud today! WAYY LOTSA. :) But I loved it.


Today we went to church, took a dingy through this ulu river and trekked through mud to get into the village. I loved that I was in a village in the middle of Papua New guinea and that everyone was so happy and tickled to see us.

[Photo credits to Arvi - 'What's the time Mr Wolf?' ]

Church was this simple service with cute traditions. Regardless though, it was beautiful. It was a group of God's people that just wanted to come together and love on Him. I could just imagine God being SO pleased with what they had to offer.

The kids were so adorable too! LOVE LOVE the opportunity to be here. One of the little girls kept inching closer to me, from the tip of her last finger until she was eventually all wrapped up around me. 

Day 8

The past few days have been unbelievable. Running down mud paths in bare feet, jumping in puddles, meeting beautiful people and just.. realising that I actually REALLY am in Papua New Guinea.

Life is hard, but God is good. :)

Day 9

Today was such a good, long day, with a few main highlights.

1. Talked to Koivi on the way to Samoa today. He shared with us about his life and hopes for Papua New Guinea. I loved this conversation because of how pure and honest his words were, how genuine he was. He spoke of his family, the differences between city and village life, God's hand on his life, how from our work on the ship the people have been seeing God's love. 

"You begin with God and you end with God. If you're not in God's plan for your life, you're gonna miss out."

"But when I'm here, I look at God's creation and I KNOW that He is with me here."

This is what I LOVE about missions, the glimpse into a person's life and soul that is so different from the life I am used to, but beautiful beyond measure. As much as I enjoy making children laugh and running and playing in mud, this, THIS, is why missions has such a special place in my heart. My heart will always be for people and the wonder at this amazing life and its infinite possibilities. Even better, to see God so real in them. God is God, even in Pidgin. Or Koriki. Or any other language. 

I loved everything about that boat ride. Thank You Jesus for this precious time with such a godly man, for Your gifts are so precious to me.

[Photo credits to Arvi - 'Koivi']

2. The hike from Samoa to Ero. Like seriously, knee deep in mud, falling over with Janine laughing saying "I want to help you but I don't know how" - LOL, beautiful children who wash your legs, help you through the jungle, decorate your hair and who are just SO EAGER for love.. and a gorgeous scenery from Daddy too. I loved the worship music playing from an old school radio in the creek, how randomly awesome was that?

[Photos credit to Arvi - 'Washing It Clean' and 'Caught You!']

NOTE: Like seriously, Arvi takes the MOST BEAUTIFUL pictures. These are just some of them!

I'm often still filled with disbelief that I'm here, just seeing Daddy show off His beauty unashamedly. Oh I love it. It's quite tiring and unglamorous sometimes, but.. I love it so much. I was getting worried about what might happen next after this trip, but I felt Daddy say "Go study hard, be a doctor, and wait till I call you out again."

Day 10 (CLC at Kikori)

I love church here. Church is not a place. Church is a group of people coming together to worship Daddy. Even in the middle of Papua New Guinea, God is still great, and He is still sovereign. All glory to Him, for letting me sense Him here with me so powerfully too. :)

The thing is.. people are beautiful. :)

"Stop worrying My child. Just live each day well with Me. I am in control."

Day 12 and onwards..

There was this one night that I felt really sick. Rebs sat with me the whole time and kept praying, her faith is absolutely inspiring. Lynette was so caring as well, I felt so so loved! :)

Monday was Lalau and Ario, where I fell through the wooden floor. Tuesday was Ero, where I fell off a bridge made of bark. Haha, I've got so many battle scars and bruises! LOVED the mud experience on Tuesday, that was fun. Knee/thigh deep in mud to transfer boxes down a human chain, you gotta love missions. :) We nearly missed the tide and had to have people push the dingy out of the shallow river fairly far. 

Day 18

Sitting in the airplane now, I can't believe my 2 1/2 week adventure is over. 17 year-old me would NEVER have dared to hope I'd be where I am now. And that thought excites me, what, really, WHAT might my future possibly hold that I daren't believe for now? Just as was spoken over me, God's got more, and I KNOW it.

So what's next Pops? What will our next adventure together be? Thank You so much for this Daddy, and teach me I pray, to be faithful in the little things, in studying now and just glorifying You. Help me to hear Your voice more clearly, and to just love others extravagantly the way You do. I wanna be more like You Papa. :)

Can you believe I actually jumped off the top of the ship into a sea in Papua New Guinea today? Life's not worth living afraid. Make the MOST out of it.

I'll be back in PNG one day. I love it too much to not go back. Years later, I think that I will always look back and see it as where God began to unleash all He placed in me when He created me. I refuse to believe that these are the things I will only do in my youth, with great passion to do God's work. As Abraham and Moses had such powerful things happen in their old age, I think that I can quite certainly say that God's not done with me yet. Not even close. :)

That's all from my journals! For more stories, you're gonna have to hear it from me face to face! ;) I hope you were blessed by this post, and if there's one thing you take away from it, I hope it's that you know that your dreams aren't impossible. Life.. is so full of possibilities, and with God on your side, you're in for the ride of your life. You WILL be amazed by where He takes you if you're willing to cruise on the current of His will. Promise. :)

Mi hamamas,

Candice

See You In 3 Weeks!

Leaving for the airport in four hours, and flying in seven. :) My emotions have been jumping between afraid and excited.. but now I'm pretty much just excited. Currently I'm finalizing what to pack and making sure I have my important documents.. so yea, pretty much set to go.

To all of you who have believed in me whole-heartedly, prayed for me, encouraged me, sponsored me.. thank you so much. I won't let you all down! Be prepared for amazing testimonies of what God's gonna do in Papua New Guinea!

<3 <3 <3,
Dice

All About Heart

Often, personal prayer is not enough. It has to be followed up with actions and genuine love towards other people.

BUT.. sometimes, it's the other way around. Today, I came across an old friend's blog, who spoke of such hurt and disappointment going on in life now. And I felt so upset to read that, and immediately considered writing a typical Candice email to encourage this person.

But it hit me.. my email would have been absolutely pathetic. At first thought, I figured, at least this person will know someone cares, but I eventually realized, that many people are probably saying this to my friend right now, people who pretend to care.. and maybe.. just maybe, I would be one of them. My words would maybe even appear absolutely hollow and intent on retaining the nice-girl image I so often portray. I think that lately, in light of events whereby I have resorted first to head knowledge before God's heart for people, that I've been extra convicted to watch my heart too, and ensure that I'm not doing things for others just because, or to gain a positive label. I want to do only what is beneficial to them, if it is possible and right by God to do so. 

So.. I've decided to commit to a new challenge, to pray for this friend constantly and lift him/her up to God. If I believe that God can do anything and that He listens to my pleas, then I can surely find the faith to know that God will send a more appropriate person to care for this friend of mine, and that He Himself will never leave my friend alone. Unless and until God calls me to reach out to this one friend.. I will keep this between me and Him.

It's difficult though, realizing the world's kinda a lot more broken than I thought. So many people are hurting and broken, and, if I feel heartbroken watching this? How much more pain must Daddy feel? :/

This is another one of those rather personal posts that I debate in my mind whether or not to post up before I do, but my intent in writing this is, well number one for journalling purposes, but also for you dear readers.. to question if maybe it's time for you to have a heart check too. Maybe like me, how people viewed you have been of greater importance to you than it should be. Maybe like me, you've got some things to sort out with Pops tonight. Maybe like me, you'll find that there's a friend of yours that desperately needs prayer. Maybe, like I hope to achieve, we can both bring glory to name of God and be taken deeper under His wings, and that much closer to having our hearts beat in sync with His.

See.. I learnt that at the end of the day, it's really.. all just about heart.

Blessings,

Dice 

Dear Skype/Facetime

Thank you for making the world a smaller place! :)

I got to reconnect with this crazy sweetheart in my life today. She's one of the most incredible people I know, honest, caring and passionate. Ah, I'm missing her so muchs! Love that even though we're so far apart, we still feel so close to each other. :)

And Facetime, for connecting me to my parents most of the time. Loved that I got to hear my dad offer to fly to PNG if I was in any trouble there, over that small screen. I love you both, Pops and Mama! <3 <3

So blessed,

Candice

Worldview

Every year that I get older, I always think I know the world better.

Today I realized how I don't, hardly at all. All I know about.. is my world.

I've always flocked to the same kind of people, like people of similar culture, ideas, faith, interests, convictions etc.. Today, working with people of very different backgrounds than me opened my eyes abit more. What do I really know about this world and its people? How can I empathize with something, with people, whose lives I cannot relate to or understand? How can I possible love someone I don't know?

My worldview is in fact very, very small.

So, I'm even more excited for PNG now, to gain a fresh perspective on the world, to see firsthand how God holds humanity together even when we're all so different from one another. I want God to show and teach me things that I never knew before, and develop a heart for His people, despite the 'culture, ideas, faith, interests, convictions, etc.'.

While this won't make me know the world completely, I am excited to be one step closer, and a little better at understanding why people are the way they are and how God can change lives in one glorious moment.

One day though, I'll see much more of the world. I don't know when yet, or how, but I feel it in my spirit that God is calling me there. And we know that His will for our lives will always come to pass as long as we remain obedient to the call He placed over it.

In a moment of pure honesty though, I am afraid, Afraid that this trip won't magnify my passions but rather extinguish it, discourage me rather than spur me on. But.. God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power and love, and it means it was the enemy that put that fear there in me. Probably because he himself is afraid of what God can do through my life in PNG, and everywhere else really. This I know though, that in being obedient to what God has asked of me right now, I can dismiss my fear with certainty and just embrace this experience with all my heart and all my soul :)

Joshua 1:9
- "Here is what I am commanding you to do. Be strong and brave. Do not be terrified. Do not lose hope. I am the Lord your God. I will be with you everywhere you go."

Excited,
Dice

If God Will Sustain Me..

Last stretch. 

Inspiration

Took a short break looking up famous quotes from C.S Lewis' The Chronicles of Narnia, after reading a quote from it in a devotional part of my sister's Bible. I love the theology in his story, and the way he phrases things so differently yet so powerfully when you get it. Good stuff! :)


“One word, Ma'am,” he said, coming back from the fire; limping, because of the pain. "One word. All you've been saying is quite right, I shouldn't wonder. I'm a chap who always liked to know the worst and then put the best face I can on it. So I won't deny any of what you said. But there's one thing more to be said, even so. Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things – trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones. Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one. And that's a funny thing, when you come to think of it. We're just babies making up a game, if you're right. But four babies playing a game can make a playworld which licks your real world hollow. That's why I'm going to stand by the play-world. I'm on Aslan's side even if there isn't any Aslan to lead it. I'm going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn't any Narnia.”
- The Silver Chair


“Please, Aslan,” said Lucy. “Before we go, will you tell us when we can come back to Narnia again? Please. And oh, do, do, do make it soon.”
“Dearest,” said Aslan very gently, “you and your brother will never come back to Narnia.”
“Oh, Aslan!!” said Edmund and Lucy both together in despairing voices.
“You are too old, children,” said Aslan, “and you must begin to come close to your own world now.”
“It isn't Narnia, you know,” sobbed Lucy. “It's you. We shan't meet you there. And how can we live, never meeting you?”
“But you shall meet me, dear one,” said Aslan.
“Are are you there too, Sir?” said Edmund.
“I am,” said Aslan. “But there I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there.”
- The Voyage of the Dawn Treader


“Aslan,” said Lucy, “you're bigger.”
“That is because you are older, little one,” answered he.
“Not because you are?”
“I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger.”


“And now!” said Aslan in a much louder voice with just a hint of roar in it, while his tail lashed his flanks. “And now, where is this little Dwarf, this famous swordsman and archer, who doesn't believe in lions? Come here, son of Earth, come HERE!” - and the last word was no longer the hint of a roar but almost the real thing.
“Wraiths and wreckage!” gasped Trumpkin in the ghost of a voice. The children, who knew Aslan well enough to see that he liked the Dwarf very much, were not disturbed; but it was quite another thing for Trumpkin, who had never seen a lion before, let alone this Lion. He did the only sensible thing he could have done; that is, instead of bolting, he tottered towards Aslan.
Aslan pounced. Have you ever seen a very young kitten being carried in the mother cat's mouth? It was like that. The Dwarf, hunched up in a little, miserable ball, hung from Aslan's mouth. The Lion gave him one shake and all his armour rattled like a tinker's pack and then - heypresto - the Dwarf flew up in the air. He was as safe as if he had been in bed, though he did not feel so. As he came down the huge velvety paws caught him as gently as a mother's arms and set him (right way up, too) on the ground.
“Son of Earth, shall we be friends?” asked Aslan."


“Welcome, Prince,” said Aslan. “Do you feel yourself sufficient to take up the Kingship of Narnia?”
“I - I don't think I do, Sir,” said Caspian. “I'm only a kid.”
“Good,” said Aslan. “If you had felt yourself sufficient, it would have been a proof that you were not…”


“I was wishing that I came of a more honourable lineage.”
“You come of the Lord Adam and the Lady Eve,” said Aslan. “And that is both honour enough to erect the head of the poorest beggar, and shame enough to bow the shoulders of the greatest emperor on earth. Be content.”
- Prince Caspian


“They say Aslan is on the move - perhaps has already landed.”
And now a very curious thing happened. None of the children knew who Aslan was any more than you do; but the moment the Beaver had spoken these words everyone felt quite different. Perhaps it has sometimes happened to you in a dream that someone says something which you don't understand but in the dream it feels as if it had some enormous meaning - either a terrifying one which turns the whole dream into a nightmare or else a lovely meaning too lovely to put into words, which makes the dream so beautiful that you remember it all your life and are always wishing you could get into that dream again. It was like that now. At the name of Aslan each one of the children felt something jump in its inside. Edmund felt a sensation of mysterious horror. Peter felt suddenly brave and adventurous. Susan felt as if some delicious smell or some delightful strain of music had just floated by her. And Lucy got the feeling you have when you wake up in the morning and realize that it is the beginning of the holidays or the beginning of summer."


“Oh, children,” said the Lion, “I feel my strength coming back to me. Oh, children, catch me if you can!” He stood for a second, his eyes very bright, his limbs quivering, lashing himself with his tail. Then he made a leap high over their heads and landed on the other side of the Table. Laughing, though she didn't know why, Lucy scrambled over it to reach him. Aslan leaped again. A mad chase began. Round and round the hill-top he led them, now hopelessly out of their reach, now letting them almost catch his tail, now diving between them, now tossing them in the air with his huge and beautifully velveted paws and catching them again, and now stopping unexpectedly so that all three of them rolled over together in a happy laughing heap of fur and arms and legs. It was such a romp as no one has ever had except in Narnia; and whether it was more like playing with a thunderstorm or playing with a kitten Lucy could never make up her mind. And the funny thing was that when all three finally lay together panting in the sun the girls no longer felt in the least tired or hungry or thirsty.
“And now,” said Aslan presently, “to business. I feel I am going to roar. You had better put your fingers in your ears.”
And they did. And Aslan stood up and when he opened his mouth to roar his face became so terrible that they did not dare to look at it. And they saw all the trees in front of him bend before the blast of his roaring as grass bends in a meadow before the wind."
- The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe


“Son,” said Aslan to the Cabby. “I have known you long. Do you know me?”


“Well, I do think someone might have arranged about our meals,” said Digory.
“I'm sure Aslan would have, if you'd asked him,” said Fledge.
“Wouldn't he know without being asked?” said Polly.
“I've no doubt he would,” said the Horse (still with his mouth full). “But I've a sort of idea he likes to be asked.”
- The Magician's Nephew


<3,
Dice

They Grow Up So Fast

Wen Shi Lee is 20 today! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :D Hahah such a big boy already, with a nice haircut today too. Genie and I took him out for dinner at Vegie Bar today, and I absolutely LOVED their sambal noodles. And then we hobo-ed in Carlton Gardens with melted cheesecake/ice cream.

Well I had a good time tonight. :) Here are my favourite quotes for the night:

Wen Shi: Look how tiny you guys are! *points to photo taken from super far away*
Me: AWW, are you trying to say I'm skinny? :D
Gene: Just go with it man.
Wen Shi: Uhh.. Sure! 

Gene: SOTM. 
Me and Wen Shi: ???


But REALLY, they're great guys who always make sure to walk me (and all girls) home at night, assure me that I didn't grow fat (sort of), don't feed me to possums, and they even learnt to always offer to carry heavy-ish stuff for girls. Yup I'm training them well. So.. line up ladies!! :)

Can't believe it's already his second birthday the three of us are celebrating together in Melbourne. How time flies. :)

Will upload a nicer picture when they (and I) are/am on Facebook! But see how cute they look when they bother to dress up. Kinda like bouncers, but.. smaller. Hahahah. :) Happy 20th again Tai Kor Teng!

Love,
Dice

40 Seconds

It took God 40 seconds today to make everything better. Suddenly all the unexplainable frustration from the week before just.. crumbled before me, defeated in God's embrace. And I am still so amazed, at the God that I serve and love, who ALWAYS comes back for me when I start to get lost, and helps me see that He never left my side.

Tonight, I'm thankful for housemates who sing along loudly to Veggie Tales praise and worship songs in the car.

I'm thankful for friends who offer you a hug without question, just because they felt like you needed one.

I'm thankful for pastors who listen for God's still, small voice.

I'm thankful to be here, where I get to witness God move powerfully in people's lives everyday.

I'm thankful for the rain, which made a joyful and gorgeous walk home.

I'm thankful to be alive, and reminded of God's faithfulness to me.

But above all, tonight, I am thankful to be the daughter of a Most High God who is always thinking of me, especially when I feel I deserve it the least.

God, I'm so thankful I have You in my life.<3

So blessed,
Dice

He's Not Finished With Me Yet

Life is an exciting thing, isn't it? :)

Love that the people around me are constantly showing me that there's always gonna be more to experience in this life, more to receive, more to learn and much, much more to give.

On a side note, I could use a train ride somewhere far away right now. I miss the adventure. 

Well Taken Care Of

I got out of the shower yesterday feeling afraid yet again. I wanted to quickly finish up so that I could rush back to the safety and warmth of my own room.

But.. God is just amazing.

You know He's taking good care of you when you suddenly hear soft worship music playing from NE's room on the other side of the house, and her singing along 'O My Soul'.

And all the fear just went away. :)

2.22am

It's 2.22am now and I should be sleeping or doing final preparations for my formative OSCE tomorrow.

Instead, I very VERY randomly stumbled upon the blog of this American nurse working in Kenya, particularly based in an orphanage there called Mattaw. [http://www.kenyanurse.com/nursing-blog/] I looked through her blog page after page, picture after picture and just.. felt such a desire to be doing the kind of work she's doing. To love children that need to be loved desperately and to do my part in making the world a better place. And I wondered.. when will it be my turn before I am called to such a life?

Then it hit me. 16 days. That's how long. I opened my YWAM pack again once more and read it through. The cup of coffee I had earlier is not doing me much good either cause there's that discomfort in my chest due to bubbling excitement with tinges of fear in me. As I read through it properly, I thought "Candice, what in the world did you sign up for?? Is this for real? My gosh, can you actually do this?" I think the full weight of this decision is starting to sink on me and all the emotions are rushing along with it. I've always assumed that I will only begin to 'panic' on the way to the airport, but HEEHOOHEEHOO I'm feeling it already.

This is truly a dream come true. Over the past weekend I've been feeling a little bit worried, because I suddenly remembered how I didn't even dare to pray about this trip when I found out about the opportunity, cause I wanted it too much. And with all systems go, I just went along excitedly. At Inner Champ Encounter, I realized, that it probably wasn't right of me. I actually wondered, what if I'm moving too fast and stepping into something I'm not ready for yet? Do I really have the courage to say to God "If You say no, I won't go?. It was hard, and scary, but I eventually just sat down with God and prayed for His blessing over this trip, for an annointed time, and I remembered, how for so many months already now, He's been training me for it. There's been challenges I never had to face before, and so much discouragement, but I am PUMPED right now! So yea, as I sit here now and start to worry mindlessly-What if I don't make full use of my time there? What if I'm too shy to make friends? What if I just freak out and can't love as much as I thought I could? What if this? What if that? I feel like God's chuckling at me, just because He knows what's going to happen, and because He has my future in His hands. As long as I keep trusting Him every step of the way, everything is going to fall into place. And I believe that this is in fact what He wants for me right now.

My heart's still beating weirdly, but I think it's just the coffee. Still, there were so many times I felt surges of palpitations(?) as I read different things we might be/are required to do - calm children down in the doctor's office, go to church, swim, trudge in mud, get a SIM card to call home etc. I'm just... really excited!! :D

This was one of the pictures in the pack I was given. I am extremely excited to be serving these beautiful children in 16 days! 

Dear Lord,

I surrender every aspect of this trip into Your mighty hands. May the moment I get off the plane till the moment I leave just be filled with Your annointing. Use me O Lord I pray to be Your hands and feet in that place. I pray God that I will come back to Australia completely changed, with a heart that will burn even more for the things of Your kingdom, and with the passion and determination to keep working in school to be able to achieve all that You want me to achieve. Lord I pray against any fear, or nervousness, or other powers that may come against me, You have already won the victory through Christ Jesus and I declare that in faith. I pray that I don't regret a single moment I am there, that I will be able to serve Your beautiful people, conscious of what an honour it is, with sincere love and genuine care. 

I pray they accept me too Lord. Make me funny please! Haha, but God above all, I pray You do with me whatsoever You will there, and may I truly simply be a megaphone for Your love towards them.

Thank You SO SO SO much for this opportunity Daddy God, and I wait upon You, believing for incredible miracles and powerful testimonies.

In Jesus name I pray,

Amen.

Also, to my awesome parents, thank you so much for sponsoring me to go for this! I know you guys were/are still really worried about it all, but I'll be okay I promise! Thank you for letting me chase after my dreams, and letting it carry me as far as I can go. You guys are the best. <3

And to everyone else who prayed for me, supported me through this, got excited for me and especially for believing in me undyingly, thank you all so much. You guys are amazing. :) I won't let you all down, I promise!

BUBBLING WITH EXCITEMENT,

Candice